The Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century.The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or Barry (who can be found in the Bestiary). When not in the Castle…well, frankly, nobody is quite sure where he goes.The Mandarin popularized the fine art of “gut booting,” by which he delivers a powerful kick to the stomach of anyone that annoys him. Although nearly universal today, the act of gut booting or threatening someone or something with a gut boot is solely due to him.
Last week a number of “celebrities” killed-off their digital selves on Twitter and Facebook as part of a fund raising drive for an HIV/AIDS relief organization that services Africa and India. The objective was to raise $1 million. Once the … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin has received yet another epistle regarding the posts Programming Note and Guns On TV from Gormogon operative and all around swell guy BG: Honored Mandarin – To believe that an irrational liberal (I know, redundant) will come to … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin received this short communiqué from the royal surgeon regarding this post. What’s a liberal doing with a firearm? Me thought’m lefty pale-face hate’m firestick. Best,Dr. J Well Dr. J you have to remember that liberals/progressives operate under the … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin is a strong opponent of censorship and has always been of the opinion that if you don’t like what is on television you should either change the channel or turn it off. Apparently, Mr. Steven Cowan decided that … Continue reading →
Fox News has this story about the Tata Motors Nano model and some new safety features that are being added to the exhaust and electrical system. Apparently there have been reports of about a dozen of the vehicles catching on … Continue reading →
Loyal Gormogon operative D.T. has filed the following request through the castle’s 24-hour help desk line at 1-666-BOOTGUT: Oh Terrible Mandarin, who by the way is not named after those yummy oranges after all, I am the proud father of … Continue reading →
Television station KFMB channel 8 is reporting on what they are calling a mysterious missile launch off the coast of southern California last night. As of right now no one in the military is taking credit for the launch. But … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative and royal surgeon Dr. J posits the following question to your Mandarin: Inscrutable Mandarin, I’ve noticed that there are more reported UFO sightings in the news during Democratic administrations. Is there a reasonable explanation for this, or is … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative H writes in to correct a grammatical error in one of your Mandarin’s post: It’s “reins in”, unless your horse is royalty. Please don’t raze my homestead for daring to correct your most Gormogonessess. Rest assured operative H … Continue reading →
On this election day we stand at the voting booth faced two choices – a huge federal government that spends money it does not have and tells us how to live while its leaders do the opposite, or a smaller … Continue reading →
We had a beautiful Halloween over at the Castle, much like we do every day. The kids came by in good numbers, which we’re happy to see again. We all took turns manning the door (or, in GorT’s case, monitoring). … Continue reading →
What would you say if your Mandarin told you that the Federal government was going to sue a State government for actually having the audacity to enforce existing immigration laws? What if your Mandarin was to go one step further … Continue reading →
There is a great article by Connie Hair regarding the One Nation Rally held this weekend in Washington D.C. Despite the free buses, the demands from union leadership that their members attend – or else – and the admonitions from … Continue reading →
The Mandarin sees all. Like when the Volgi tied ‘Puter’s neck collar to a rope around the tree, and we all watched ‘Puter repeatedly run in circles around the tree until he fell asleep with exhaustion—and then the Czar tightened … Continue reading →
In an effort to curb the rampant gang violence that has escalated recently, Chicago Police Superintendent Jodi Weis met with the leaders of various gangs over the weekend. At this meeting, Superintendent Weis warned the gang leaders that unless the … Continue reading →
The Washington Times has this article discussing a DEA memo regarding their potential need for Ebonics translators. Hey, here is fun idea, why don’t we actually teach children English in schools. Now I’m sure that we would have to get … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin, being an aficionado of cars enjoys reading Car and Driver Magazine. During a recent perusal of their web site, your Mandarin happened upon this article written by Justin Berkowitz that discusses the history of the North Korean automobile … Continue reading →
With only 127 days to go before we ring in the New Year, here is a little cautionary tale as to why firearms and alcohol don’t mix. Come to think of it Your Mandarin has had an awful headache ever … Continue reading →
Bear in mind that although generally safe to use, ingesting this product while drinking 151 rum will activate the mind control ingredient. For that same reason, do not combine this sauce with infant formula. And now you know why they … Continue reading →
Well in yet another example of a teachers union putting its “members’” needs ahead of the students, we have this story about the Milwaukee teachers union and their fight to get taxpayer-funded Viagra back. According to the article a consultant … Continue reading →
According to this article over at WorldNetDaily, Afghanistan’s Taliban terrorists are training monkeys to shoot at American soldiers. Apparently, the information regarding these simian soldiers comes from British and Chinese media agencies. The Chinese report states that the Taliban forces … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative KM writes in with this observation regarding the new NASA outreach program to the Muslim world… I think we’re missing the real purpose our space program could have for the Muslims. This may be what President Obama (a … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin discovered this story over at FoxNews.com about NASA’s new mission. You may be asking yourself, is it the continuation of the Constellation program, a manned mission to Mars, or maybe the launching of a new deep space probe … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin was fortunate enough to be awarded a gift certificate to Amazon.com and decided to purchase the following books: – The Road to Serfdom: Text and Documents – The Definitive Edition (The Collected Works of F.A. Hayek) by F.A. … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin was bemused by the story over the weekend of Vice President Joe Biden’s visit to Kopp’s Custard in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. In what may turn into another Joe the Plumber moment in American politics, the Vice President called the … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin is pleased to report that one of the most iconic films of the 1980’s is being remade. And what film would that be you may ask. Go ahead, ask me. Oh, hell I can’t wait all day, I’ll … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin received this inquiry from our operative CM… O Great Manipulator of Space, Time and Dimension–is this your handiwork? I can think of no other explanation, rational or otherwise… Click here. While your Mandarin is able to warp the … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin received this email today at work from the security firm Chameleon Associates: Hezbollah is now promoting itself via “Jihadi tours” of their facilities in southern Lebanon. For about US$25, you can spend the day and see life size … Continue reading →
Wow, so far this evening we have had a staff-fighting bear, a kung-fu monkey, a karate dog, and a donkey suicide bomber. I not quite sure if this is just some weird coincidence or the plot to a new fall … Continue reading →
After seeing the movie Shrek Forever After this weekend your Mandarin’s first thought when reading the Jerusalem Post headline “Donkey Detonated on Gaza Border,” was that their movie reviewer also saw the film. But in reality it turns out that … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin happened upon the story of university student Jessica Colotl today. You may be wondering what makes Jessica newsworthy. Well according to the article on CNN.com, Jessica has become a lightning rod in the immigration debate and part of … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin received this inquisitive note today from the royal surgeon concerning a matter of cosmic importance: Dread and Awful Mandarin, The south equatorial belt of Jupiter (that nifty stripe just north of the Great Red Spot) disappeared while the … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin received this dispatch from the royal surgeon regarding the flooding down south: Dear Most Exalted and Terrible Mandarin, I hope this missive from New Atlantis finds you well. I thought I would update the Gormogons on how a … Continue reading →
That’s right, today is May 1st, or May Day for all of our progressive, socialist, communist, maoist, union, and illegal alien friends that are protesting across the country today. This is the day that these enlightened souls “celebrate” the worker … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin would like to share this news alert that he received from the National Rifle Association… Mayor Daley Insults America In Pre-McDonald Ploy Friday, April 30, 2010 Fearful that America’s Supreme Court will soon strike down Chicago’s handgun ban, … Continue reading →
Fox News is reporting that Republican Governor Charlie Crist of Florida will now run as an independent for the Florida U.S. Senate seat. Why the sudden urge to run as an independent? The answer to that question would be Marco … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin saw the headline, “Iranian Missile May Be Able To Hit U.S. by 2015” for this article from Reuters today and my first thought was wow, that has to be the slowest missile ever developed. I mean really what … Continue reading →
According to this article from Foxnews.com women who wear revealing clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes, or at least that is what senior Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi believes. First off you goofy throw-back to the 7th … Continue reading →
The Mandarin, being the benevolent overlord to billions of people on this planet and a couple of others that we can’t mention here, discovered this news story about a new web based service that is bound to be the next … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative DA writes in to your Mandarin with the following: Howdy mate… I know its probably not the right sort of respectful tone to take on of the Gormogons, but saying mate is ingrained in me, much to the … Continue reading →
90% is an A- minus, right? Well not in this case. According to the newest CBO report, the national debt will rise to 90% of GDP. This report also details that President Obama’s fiscal 2011 budget will generate approximately $10 … Continue reading →
All Bart Stupak needed to do was walk down the steps of an airplane up to the podium and announce that he held in his hand a document signed by Herr Hitler that guaranteed that their would be peace in … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin has been contemplating the pending Sunday vote on the healthcare destruction proposal, and has the following questions: 1. How is it those progressives/liberals that have fought for the last 40 years for the government to stay out of … Continue reading →
The Daily Mail Online is reporting that, “Children who are hooked on computer games, the Internet, and mobile phones are to be offered help at what is thought to be the first dedicated technology addiction service for young people in … Continue reading →
A tyranny can only succeed when it operates in secret. According to this story from FoxNews.com, in fiscal year 2009, 17 major governmental agencies refused to release information 466,872 times. This is an increase of almost 50% from the previous … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin was watching the local television news broadcast last night to watch the weather forecast – it amuses me to see what they are predicting and then I go to the lab and set the weather ray to the … Continue reading →
According to this article from ChicagoRealEstateDaily.com a federal lawsuit filled by the owner of the Congress hotel accuses hotel workers from Local 1 of sending a “cow pie” to potential conventioneers. Apparently, if one is willing to believe this load … Continue reading →
The Denny’s Restaurant chain is apologizing for a commercial it ran that joked about the Irish Potato Famine. The commercial was promoting an all-you-can-eat french fries and pancakes offer. This drew the ire of the Irish-American community who felt it … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin found this little item while reading the Political Grapevine at Fox News.com: And finally, the BBC reports a woman trying to post a help wanted ad was told her request for “reliable and hard-working” applicants wasn’t allowed because … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin is pleased to share with you this piece of fan mail from Gormogon operative DF: Good one Centurion, liked it, liked it.Keep that binary humor coming! Well DF, all I can say to that is: 0100100100100000011010000110111101110000011001010010000001110100011010000110100101110011001000000110100101110011001000000110100101101110001000000111001001100101011100110111000001101111011011100111001101100101001000000111010001101111001000000111010001101000011001010010000001100011011000010111001001110100011011110110111101101110001000000111010001101000011000010111010000100000010010010010000001110000011011110111001101110100011001010110010000100000011101000110100001100101001000000110111101110100011010000110010101110010001000000110010001100001011110010010111000100000001000000100111101110100011010000110010101110010011101110110100101110011011001010010000001001001001000000110100001100001011101100110010100100000011011100110111100100000011010010110010001100101011000010010000001110111011010000110000101110100001000000111100101101111011101010010000001100001011100100110010100100000011101000110000101101100011010110110100101101110011001110010000001100001011000100110111101110101011101000010111000100000001000000100001001110101011101000010000001100001011100110010000001100001011011000111011101100001011110010111001100100000011101110110010100100000011010000110111101110000011001010010000001110100011010000110000101110100001000000111100101101111011101010010000001100011011011110110111001110100011010010110111001110101011001010010000001110100011011110010000001100110011011110110110001101100011011110111011100100000011101000110100001100101001000000111001101101001011101000110010100100000011000010110111001100100001000000110000101101100011101110110000101111001011100110010000001100110011001010110010101101100001000000110011001110010011001010110010100100000011101000110111100100000011001000111001001101111011100000010000001110101011100110010000001100001001000000110110001101001011011100110010100101110 We now … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin would like to share with you this correspondence from Gormogon operative GD regarding the Iranian Navy post: Also note: the C-803 surface-to-surface missile this thing sports is capable carrying of a nuclear warhead. If I were a burgeoning … Continue reading →
In what is another disturbing advancement in Iranian military growth, the Associated Press is reporting that this thugocracy has launched its first locally built naval destroyer. According to the Iranians, the new shipped named the Jamaran is armed with anti-ship, … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin was perusing the help wanted section, when I found this job posting for a technical writer position at Exelon Nuclear Partners. The only required skills for the job were, nuclear experience –no problem, I maintain the cold fusion … Continue reading →
From the cartoon section at Townhall.com The MandarinThe Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century. The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or … Continue reading →
Really, really, you decided to name the train line that services the heart of Atlanta’s Asian community the yellow line. Your Mandarin is one who usually derides those who are hyper-politically correct, or take advantage of these situations to enhance … Continue reading →
According to White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, ”National Public Radio is for those who don’t listen to radio or can’t buy cable TV.” Well I guess all of those paranoid schizophrenics were correct to wear foil helmets, the government … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin happened upon this article today that outlines the progress being made by scientist to transplant pig lungs into humans. Aside from the fact that similar experiments have been going on here at the Castle for years – with … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin would like to share with you, the loyal Gormogon reader*, an email from JM, our mid-south operative: Robert Gibbs, Obama’s press secretary, has rubbed me the wrong way for a very long time. Probably what bothers me the … Continue reading →
According to this article from the Mail Online, the children of working parents were banned from attending mid-term break field trips. What disqualified these students from attending trips to Knowsley Safari Park, soccer sessions with the Manchester United Foundation, and … Continue reading →
Well it looks as if NASA is going to be hoisted up on its own global warming petard. According to this article from the Orlando Sentinel, the upcoming budget proposal from the Obama administration will not contain funding for the … Continue reading →
Southern operative FJR writes in with the following observation on “real” men. Greetings from one of your southern operatives. I loved the post on real men today but I must add Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs to your list of … Continue reading →
Where have all the men gone in this country – and the rest of the world for that matter? We see a concerted effort to drive out all signs of masculinity from society, whether in the form of the social … Continue reading →
The BBC will be broadcasting the world’s first film shot entirely by chimpanzees. Your Mandarin was under the impression that this was how the majority of television shows were created here in the United States. According to the article, primatologist … Continue reading →
According to this article at Sky News, Holiday Inn will begin to offer a free five-minute “human bed warming service” at its London Kensington hotel throughout the week. Apparently, this service will consist of a “willing” member of the hotel … Continue reading →
The Washington Post is reporting that the liberal talk-radio network Air America is declaring bankruptcy and going off the air. Your Mandarin is in no way surprised by this story. Like the State of Michigan, and every city run by … Continue reading →
Holy cow, I can’t believe it, it looks like Chicago’s very own Mayor Richard M. Daley may have jumped off the Obama bandwagon. According to the article, Mayor Daley, while speaking at the opening of the U.S. Conference of Mayors … Continue reading →
WorldNetDaily.com is reporting that if the federal budget is not cut now, the national debt within about two generations will be 600 percent of the gross domestic product. The article goes on to state, “With the recession and the huge … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin is pleased to share with you this communiqué from our operative in the Mid-South, JM in response to the Igor, To The Lab post: Amen, I say to you. Unless we’re cultivating a society of sheep (and I … Continue reading →
According to this article in the East Bay Express: Berkeley High School is considering a controversial proposal to eliminate science labs and the five science teachers who teach them to free up more resources to help struggling students. The reason … Continue reading →
First we had the maladjusted little darlings who wanted to kill themselves after seeing the movie Avatar, now we get this story. Yes that’s right, these people are naming their children after characters from the movie. This has you Mandarin … Continue reading →
And when the politics of hope and change fail, a little cheating is in order. At least that is what MSNBC television and syndicated radio host Ed Schultz believes is necessary to, “…keep these bastards out.” Of course he is … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin would like to share with you this little letter from the NRA-ILA Grassroots Alert Vol. 17, No. 2 10/15/10: Sleep Easy, America – Feds’ Terrorist Watchlist Nabs Cub Scout Friday, January 15, 2010 As we’ve reported before, Sen. … Continue reading →
My sources have not been able to confirm that. They have been able to confirm the following: Jack Sprat could eat no fat,His wife could eat no lean, And so betwixt the two of themThey licked the platter clean We … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin had to laugh out loud today after reading this article from the Telegraph.co.uk detailing the collapse of the floor at a Weight Watchers clinic. According to the article, “As the dieters queued to see how many pounds they … Continue reading →
Kathryn Jean Lopez over at The Corner asks, “How Much Coverage Is Too Much Coverage?” regarding news reporting of the Haitian earthquake. She quotes the following passage from America magazine’s blog about CNN coverage in Haiti: The most troubling video … Continue reading →
Well if it isn’t bad enough that your Mandarin has to pay city, county, state and federal taxes – whether in the form of sales taxes, property taxes, or income taxes – now Fox News is reporting the following: The … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin finds it just a bit ironic that the Obama administration and the Unions have cut a deal that will exempt the unions from a 40% tax on “Cadillac” health plans. Having come from a family of labor union … Continue reading →
Well if you didn’t think that the cult of global warming believers wasn’t a new religious movement, then let this clip of the actor Danny Glover prove the point. First we had the crackpot Pat Robertson come out and say … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin is pleased to share this correspondence regarding the Doomsday Clock post: I fell out of my seat when I saw the link on Drudge Report regarding the Doomsday Clock. I really think it deserves more commentary. After waxing … Continue reading →
In an effort to provide important public service information to our loyal readers, your humble Mandarin would like to report that the Doomsday Clock will be moved tomorrow by the world’s top scientists. The clock is very large and will … Continue reading →
Having seen many a movie over my lifetime, your Mandarin can readily admit that there were quite a few that elicited an emotional response. I’m sure that it is every director’s dream to create a movie that audiences can connect … Continue reading →
Well it looks like under-socialized nerds living in their mom’s basement now have another reason to not leave home. For years science fiction writers have dreamed of robotic companions that would service our every need. Well according to the makers … Continue reading →
CNSNews.com is reporting that the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops will push to get immigration reform legislation enacted in 2010. Wow, your Mandarin’s first thought is where are the separation of church and state groups, and where is their outrage … Continue reading →
There are numerous reasons why your Mandarin is thankful that Castle Gormogon is located in the greatest country on God’s green earth – the United States of America. But just in case I needed another reason, it seems that our … Continue reading →
As your Mandarin has been listening to the various commentaries and news stories regarding the underwear bomber – which kind of brings new meaning to the phrase panty raid – I have come to the following realization: An Islamo-facist terrorist … Continue reading →
According to this article from AP News, Australian scientists have discovered an octopus in Indonesia that collects coconut shells for shelter. And in other breaking news, scientists have also discovered a sponge that lives in a pineapple under the sea. … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin may be a convert to the cult of climate change because he has proof that Hell has frozen over. How else could you explain the fact that Al Gore admitted that he exaggerated the total meltdown of the … Continue reading →
As we come to the close of the year, your Mandarin has a special treat for all of our loyal visitors – The Mandarin’s 2009 Boot in the Gut award (referred to affectionately here at the castle as the “Bootie”). … Continue reading →
When asked by Oprah what grade he would give himself for his first year in office, President Obama responded, “I give myself a solid B+.” Well, well, I’m surprised an advocate of the progressive educational system would give himself a … Continue reading →
Last night on the CBS show 60 Minutes President Obama made the following statement regarding the war in Afghanistan: “One of the mistakes that was made over the last eight years is for us to have a triumphant sense about … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative and Head of Security – Southeastern Quadrant writes to your beloved and most humble Mandarin the following missive. Dear Mr. Mandarin: As always, the teeming masses owe a debt of gratitude to the eminences who reside in Castle … Continue reading →
The Marine Corps hymn states that they will fight our country’s battles in the air and land and sea. Well it looks like our Democratic Party overlords now consider that said air and land and sea and our use of … Continue reading →
Hello, children! As you know from reading here, President Obama wants the United States to return to promoting science and technology to the nation’s youth. Ideally, if influential people could describe how and why science, technology, engineering, and mathematics has … Continue reading →
It is with a heavy heart that I wish to extend my apologies to our Gormogon operatives in Australia for the imminent iceberg collision with your fine continent. This unfortunate situation is the result of Sleestak and Dat Ho playing … Continue reading →
Having realized that this was not another jury summons or an offer to enlarge ‘Puter’s penis, I eagerly opened this email from Operative BD over at Space for Commerce who writes in: Mara Liasson: “So what if the data was … Continue reading →
ABC news is reporting on how the Transportation Security Agency (TSA) posted its airport screening procedures manual online. The manual contains closely guarded secrets that detail the special rules for diplomats, CIA employees, and law enforcement officers. I know that … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin was watching Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace yesterday when the subject of the Hadley CRU e-mail leak was discussed. Regarding the leak and the potential damaging effect that these e-mails might have on the global warming debate, … Continue reading →
Global stock markets yesterday, and the U.S. stock market today plunged on the news that the Dubai state corporation was unable to meet its interest bill. This crisis has sparked even greater fears that investors owed money by other countries … Continue reading →
Hell hath no fury like a Union scorned. According to this article from WorldNetDaily the Service Employees International Union is threatening action against Allentown, PA, for allowing an Eagle Scout candidate to build a park trail for his Eagle Scout … Continue reading →
