In doing research for this review, which basically consisted of seeing the film, the Czar read a couple of reviews in major newspapers after seeing the movie, and it’s a darn good thing he did because we would have made all sorts of mistakes in this review! The Czar had no idea that liberals would be so bothered by this horribly offensive movie—which all of them think you should see because it was very cool.
First, you need to be offended by Tilda Swinton, who plays a character called the Ancient One. In the original comics, the Ancient One was this bald-headed, long-mustached little Chinese man. Marvel Studios felt this was overtly stereotypical, and decided to cast the role with a bald-headed little white woman from England in order to bring diversity to the movie. Turns out, that was a bad mistake. Liberals object to the role being denied to a bald-headed, long-mustached little Chinese stereotype. See, even when you give liberals what they want, they hate you for it.
Second, the movie is nothing but cultural appropriation. A New York surgeon travels to Nepal, learns magic in record time, and becomes the Sorceror Supreme, who defends Earth from all sorts of non-Muggle attacks. In other words, some white American beats the Nepalese at their own game and gets all the credit. Because Nepalese are apparently all into magic and mysticism in real life. There’s no mention of how this film killed in Asia markets this weekend, and they didn’t seem to be too offended as they made millions of bootleg copies of it in a form of real appropriation.
Third, you should note that the Black Guy and the Asian Guy are basically supporting actors in a movie that doesn’t specifically revolve around them. Not everything is 42, assfaces, but like George Lucas once said, if you make a quality movie about blacks with black actors geared toward black audiences, liberals hate you for it. And he’s totally racist and everything, and you probably won’t ever see him marry a black person and everything.
So you should be advised that Doctor Strange needs many trigger warnings: a white guy learns there’s more to life than his privileged experiences taught him, and that he can work with people of all races to overcome danger that affects the whole world. So liberals hate that.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.