As those of you who follow us Gormogons on the Twittre* know, ‘Puter’s been madder than feminist at an Andrew Dice Clay performance at his local school district.
A relatively small but vocal group of individuals led by the superintendent and the local teachers’ union president whipped up a massive controversy over state required Common Core testing. As a result of their incessant television and radio appearances bad-mouthing the required testing, district parents refused to permit over fifty-six percent (56%) of children to sit for the exam.
Last night, after breaking state law repeatedly for weeks and months by encouraging parents to do what they themselves cannot and in the process violating their oath of office, the Fairport Central School District Board of Education bravely passed an incoherent resolution of no consequence.
“Look at us! We’re brave social justice warriors, gambling with other people’s children and money! Follow us on our jihad against The Man! It’ll be just like the 60’s all over again! Hey, man, is that Freedom Rock?”**
As all Hippies, the damnable idiots running our school district metaphorically set the schoolhouse on fire and now wring their hands while plaintively wailing about the systemic unfairness of the conflagration they purposely set.
No talent ass clowns, the lot.
Now that ‘Puter’s got a bit of his rant-y, anger-y goodness out of his system, here’s the unedited text of the board of education’s resolution.
Resolution – Support of Strong and Well Founded Educational Practices
Fairport Central School District
The Fairport Central school District’s sole purpose is to educate every child regardless of background, socioeconomic status or any other status which society may place upon them. In doing so we recognize the decades of education and child development research which informs the professional decisions made in carrying out this mission. The Fairport District Board of Education, duly elected and tasked with the responsibility to guide the district in the completion of its mission, having sworn, individually, to uphold the Constitution of the State of New York, guaranteeing every child an education, therefore makes the following resolution:
Whereas the current “Reform Agenda” is not based on facts that demonstrate a need for education “reform”, especially in the Fairport Central School District, and
Whereas the current “Reform Agenda” is not founded in research nor does it provide any evidence that the “reforms” sought will effectuate changes that will improve education, and
Whereas the Fairport Central School District has a history of high achievement and recognition in the arts and sciences, support for children of varying capabilities, providing myriads of opportunities in extra-curricular activities, all leading to high graduation rates and/or pursuit of post secondary instruction, and
Whereas the board has approved the hiring of professionals in all employment areas to effectuate the education of the whole child, and
Whereas each child’s potential and interest is as varied as the number of children being educated, and
Whereas the Board of Education wishes to inspire all children to exercise their inherent curiosity in whichever field they wish to pursue, providing them a solid foundation in multiple disciplines which allow them to function at the highest levels in society,
Therefore be it resolved that the Fairport Board of Education rejects the assumptions behind the current “Reform Agenda” which, if implemented, may negatively impact the success of education in Fairport, and be it further
Resolved that Fairport Board of Education questions the validity of the following specific changes recommended within the “Reform Agenda”:
- Tying of state legally required financial support to the implementation of reforms.
- Inappropriately tying high-stakes test results to teacher evaluations.
- Mandating use of “independent” evaluators to assess the effectiveness of teachers.
- Requiring teachers and administrators to recertify every 5 years, retroactively changing the terms of employment.
- Inexplicably exempting charter schools from “reforms” intended to enhance education
- Legislating other changes that provide no demonstrable educational value
Resolved that the Board of Education opposes the budgeting of local resources for unsound educational practices that will have the effect of diminishing education of our children, and be it further
Resolved that the Fairport Board of Education calls on like-minded individuals, professionals and organizations to support only those changes, which will positively impact the life-long education of children, and be it further
Resolved that the Fairport Board of Education will work with local educational professionals, to continuously evaluate current practices, areas needing improvement, monitor ongoing educational research and determine appropriate changes required to meet the unique needs of the Fairport Central School District, its students and the community at large.
‘Puter will comment on the resolution’s content in another post, soon forthcoming. Get ready. ‘Puter feels an epic rant forthcoming.
* ‘Puter uses the preferred English “re” ending rather than the American “er” ending because liberals irrationally believe anything foreign-sounding is superior and correct. ‘Puter does love fooling himself some liberals.
** The most dangerous people in the world are aging Hippies still convinced against all evidence that their world view would prevail, if only they tried harder.***
*** Or used the coercive power of government to force their dumb-assed plans down the craws of those who dare disagree with the Hippie SJWs’ policy preferences.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.