He was serious, so the Czar thought hard about it. And here is a list of things that we decided Senator Nybo can help us with.
- There is an ash tree on the dacha property that needs to be cut down. Certainly the Czar does not expect the State of Illinois to pay for this removal; he does however have a second tree-felling axe for Senator Nybo. Between the two of us, we could probably drop that puppy in like ten minutes.
- On Halloween, a wind storm blew through Muscovy and the Czar lost the cover from his Weber grille. Perhaps the Senator could walk around the area and try to find it. It’s probably stuck in someone’s hedges.
- The dacha landscaping needs to be completely mulched. Just sayin that’s a two-man job, you know?
- Spend a couple hours playing Minecraft with the Царевич and his buddies. That would totally rock, and he’d have a story forever.
- The Czar will be in the Detroit area tomorrow. Perhaps Senator Nybo could be a dude and take the Цесаревич to the latter’s Boy Scout meeting.
That’s about it. You know, if the Senator was indeed as sincere as he sounded, any one of these would be a fine way of impressing us.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.