Your Gormogons have been consulted on what to do with those containers of Thanksgiving Day leftovers. Save this as a handy guide for next year by attaching your computer monitor to the refrigerator with a magnet and leaving it plugged in all year.
孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) says:
「Adept Liu asked about reusing leftovers, and the Master knows the wise man properly seals them in separate containers. In this manner, the wise man may serve them in their original forms, or combine them like a casserole or a soup, or mix in a little liao drug as desired, leaving no preferences to the whim of chance.」
“Day old food makes excellent targets at your outdoor range. You haven’t seen anything until you see what a punt gun, fired from your personal river barge, does to a container of green bean casserole.”
“There should be no leftovers whatsoever, assuming you have properly calculated your guests’ metabolic needs and typical eating habits. Hyperstoichiometric anaylsis of the food : air : liquid ratio should result in only a small amount of waste on each plate. Anyone who has leftovers today is doing it wrong.”
The Czar of Muscovy says:
«Leftovers? We haven’t even left the table since yesterday. When we have eaten all the food, perhaps, we shall have the borzois chase down some serfs to amuse the kids. That, or XBox.»
The Inscrutable Mandarin says:
“I am the Mandarin; you shall obey me. Ensure your guests go home with as much food as they can, plus a little more. Properly wrap meats in aluminum foil, and liquids and vegetables in sealable plastic containers. Eat promptly for lunch today. Also, obey me.”
Dr. J. says:
“Using the force, you should be able to preserve your meals for months without any fear of spoilage. But remember: once your foods turn toward the Dark Side, there’s no going back.”
Dat Ho says:
“Mr. the Czar try to lop off my hands when I reach for bun that fell on floor. He always so angry. If i had leftovers, it would be a great day because it would mean Dat Ho got something in the first place.”
“Sssss sssss sss ssss hssss s sssss ssssss ss ssssss sssss sssssssss ssss hsss sss hsssss!”
Prince Tochmas was unavailable for comment.
The Grand Mogul says:
“I don’t have a leftover problem. Up here, overlooking Central Park in my fantastic apartment, we just head on down to a local restaurant for an all-you-can eat, New-York-style dinner. Costs about $180 per person, but totally eliminates any chance of leftovers. I heard the restaurant, like most Manhattan places, dumps their leftovers on the homeless. I’d like to see that, actually. The scalding hot gravy alone would be worth it.”
“We need to operate quickly if we are to save the babies. ”
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
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