Operative BJ wanted to get this letter in today, given that President Obama is chairing a UN Security Council meeting on ISIS today. Let’s hope it’s not a fund-raiser, because that’s all he used to be good at, and who knows if he can even identify who the bad guys even are today.
|Oh Great and Wise,
This miserable one grovels before you to plead mercy in the case of the child-king Obama and his exercise of his Nobel Peace Prize to justify his use of weapons of mass destruction upon a faraway land named Syria.
Yes, the child-king Obama has decided, in his all-knowing wisdom* that he will commit peace upon certain peoples whom he says are devout practitioners of the Religion of Peace**. And he has decided, using his all-knowing wisdom once again***, that he has the power and authority to commit these acts of peace without authorization of that contrary-thinking, obstructionist, slow-moving, and overly-deliberative body known as the Congress of the United States.
We now know why the child-king was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. He was chosen for this high honor specifically so that he could commit peace around the world upon anyone, and could therefore unilaterally take appropriate actions upon whatever peoples he deemed needed to be pacified… er… who needed to learn how to be peaceful.
I beg thee, Your Magnificence, to please forgive the child-king Obama for thinking he could commit a lasting peace by using rockets bearing racist-inspired names (e.g. “Tomahawks”) as the first step in establishing that peace. And please forgive the child-king Obama for believing that his words and peaceful actions would end the centuries-long animosity between two major sects belonging to the Religion of Peace****.
This lowly one thanks you for your mercy and now backs away from your ornate throne, hoping that you will not commit peace upon me the way the child-king Obama is committing peace upon the Syrians.
* The child-king Obama’s “all-knowing” wisdom, meaning everything Obama currently knows – not everything that can be known throughout time, of course.
** According to the child-king Obama, Islam means “peace”. Therefore, it is the Religion of Peace. And that peace will be established, dammit, even it means everyone has to die to get that peace.
*** Ok, so maybe he doesn’t know all that much after all. Sorry. My bad.
**** After all, the child-king Obama has managed to stop the seas from rising, he *has* been able to stop global warmening, and he has been able to cut the federal budget in half during his first term. Right? Czar? Hello? Anyone home?
Oh, and לְשָׁנָה טוֹבָה תִכָּתֵבוּ וְתֵּחָתֵמוּ – Happy Rosh Hashana!
And a שָׁנָה טוֹבָה וּמְתוּקָה to all our readers, Jewish and גוים alike.
Regarding the President, whom no one ever expected would receive a Nobel Prize for anythingand said at the time he didn’t remotely deserve it seconds before cashing the check anywayhas decided to strike out against ISIS, using half-hearted threats and desultory air strikes against mostly empty buildings and against radio towers that we built for Iraq. Almost as if he were trying to show the world he means business, but in such a way that nothing will actually be accomplished. Almost as if there were a whisper campaign about the whole thing. Yeah, he’s declaring military action, one Democrat might say to another, but if you look, you’ll notice he isn’t doing anything really destructive.” Might say, because that sentence requires a liberal to hold two related thoughts in the mind at the same time.
And despite all this, the Nation Will Feel Grateful that the Secret Service stopped an intruder who appears to be a military veteran of non-Arabic descent who stormed the White House with out any weaponry, unless you count a fair amount of ammunition he locked in the trunk of his car. Almost as if the whole affair were being exaggerated for some reason to drum up sympathy for President.
Oh, and if you didn’t hear, his popularity has dropped again to 35% approval, which are George W. Bush numbers. Almost as if…well, almost as if some press handlers knew these numbers were getting bad and decided to play up the foreign policy tough guy image and subsequent sympathy pitch. Just saying these are weird coincidences.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.