The Czar’s day-to-day annoyance level is pretty typical, and normally we shrug off morons who put political bumper stickers on their cars. Bumper stickers are written by and for people with a shallow understanding of the topic, but feel they have a wry or pithy observation to share; we have Twitter for this now.

Go to a firearm-related event and check out the vitriol plastered to some vehicles, especially regarding President Obama—who seems to be singularly responsible for all gun control efforts, based on the bumper stickers there. Once in a while, you find one that is clever.

The Czar saw a bumper sticker today from the Left. It read:

In theory, the Czar thought to pull up next to him and gesture for him to roll down his window. The Czar would then ask the driver to explain the meaning behind it. The conversation would probably have gone like this:

LIB: Well, because Colonel Sanders eats the chickens.

CZAR: Okay. But what does that have to do with Republicans?

LIB: They aren’t for the working person.

CZAR: Why not? Don’t employment rates typically go up during Republican presidencies and taxes fall, increasing individual cash flow? What do any of those things have to do with chickens?

LIB: The chickens are like the workers about to get eaten by the Republicans.

CZAR: But that analogy makes no sense. It’s a fallacy of the undivided middle: you are assuming that there’s a one to one between workers and product, which is inherently Marxist. Republicans traditionally view workers as assets, which totally defeats the purpose of your message. You are trusting the inability of the reader to make a logical connection where none exists.

LIB: Look, dude, it’s just a joke.

CZAR: What is more likely the case is that you didn’t understand it at all, and sort of assumed it was supposed to be funny. Obviously, you thought it was supposed to be funny enough to put on your car for people to read. Didn’t you ever stop to think it was correct, or is it just an example of crass intellectual insecurity bordering on dishonesty?

LIB: Bite my ass, racist.

And so on. It would go nowhere.

However, in reality, the Czar simply stopped short in front of the guy, got out, and flipped his car over with our bare hands. Something a liberal would understand, you see.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.