Mark Spahn, of West Seneca, New York, has an idea so wickedly fascinating that it is Gormogonical:

A sudden inspiration for a money-making idea: “green” pop.

Still only 150 calories. And cola-flavored.

Ordinary pop (a.k.a. “soda”, a.k.a. “coke”; see Pop vs Soda, which uses a clever three-point color coding), is a “carbonated” beverage. That is, the gas that puts the fizz in fizzy drinks is introduced by the process known as carbonation, which is “the process of dissolving carbon dioxide into a liquid.”

But carbon dioxide (CO₂) is a greenhouse gas, so all these fizzy drinks are polluting our atmosphere and causing global warming.

So to be ecologically responsible, we should make the transition in soft drinks from CO2 to some gas that does not contain carbon. Indeed, the very term “carbonation” might be more accurately characterized as “carbon pollution of fizzy drinks”.

What we need is a new way of putting the fizz in fizzy drinks with an ecologically benign gas. N₂ might work, but we will need to consult with chemists to find a gas that provides more of a “kick” to the soft-drink-consuming public. H₂ is plentiful, but remember the Hindenburg. And helium would give pop-drinkers a gentle Truman Capote-like voice, but helium is expensive.

Maybe a compound gas would provide extra flavor, like perhaps H₂S.

—Mark Spahn (West Seneca, NY), on my way to the Patent Office

GorT

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