Did you catch the State of the Union last night? We didn’t! The truth is that your Gormogons found far better things to do with our Tuesday evening.
 | The Volgi: I watched the Caps-Sabres game. ’Puter considers nothing sweeter than the bitter tears of Buffalo fans, so I collected them for him to bribe him into wearing pants this week. Did you see Ovechkin’s amazing pass in overtime? No? See this hat pin? It can blind you. Go find a highlight reel. |
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 | Dr. J.: Dr. J. watched the newest episode of Dance Moms with The Little Resident as there was less dishonesty, bickering, infighting and politics of personal destruction than in the SOTU. Besides, Dr. J. heard two seconds of it as we turned on the tele and his diastolic blood pressure shot up 25 points. |
| The Mandarin: Your Inscrutable Mandarin watched Counting Cars and American Restoration on the History Channel, and by “watched,” he means controlled Danny remotely via orbital mind-control satellite. |
The Czar: The Czar watched the 1981 classic, Dragonslayer. They guy who played Brother Jacopus looked strangely familiar…
Ghettoputer: I’m proud to say I didn’t watch the SOTU last night. I played Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag instead. Fake pirates instead of real ones.
| GorTechie: Dr. J. did not hear from him as of 12:00 castle time, so he wandered up to GorT’s domicile only to find him with a trickle of hydraulic fluid trickling down the side of his visor and him repeating, “The horror, the horror…” |
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Clearly it was a speech that, for all of its obsfucations, vitriol and rhetoric, still lost out to bread and circuses…not worth the time of six brilliant minds.
Maybe next year the State of the Union can be delivered by post.
