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Pictured, Secretary of State John Kerry (who
looks like a horse) in full fox hunting regalia
beats a dead horse whilst taking the air at his
summer cottage on Nantucket. |
Not to beat a dead horse, but ‘Puter’s got to keep his pimp hand strong somehow. Any sentient being within eleventy gajillion astronomical units of Earth knows President Barack H. Obama (PBUH) made Americans a solemn vow while cramming ObamaCare down the throats of an unwilling nation lobbying for passage of his signature legislation. Mr. Obama promised Americans that if we liked our health insurance, we could keep our health insurance.
The New York Timesin the space nine days has published two large editorials helpfully explaining to the American people: (1) Obama didn’t lie to Americans; (2) even if Mr. Obama did lie to Americans, it was for Americans’ own good; and (3) Americans are too stupid to know what’s good for them, so their betters must operate in loco parentis.
On 2 November 2013, the New York Times editors put on a display of water carrying that would do Gunga Din proud. Obama’s bottom bitches the editors chided backwards, stupid Deltas Americans in a piece titled Insurance Policies Not Worth Keeping. Writ the editors:
Congressional Republicans have stoked consumer fears and confusion with charges that the health care reform law is causing insurers to cancel existing policies and will force many people to pay substantially higher premiums next year for coverage they don’t want. That, they say, violates President Obama’s pledge that if you like the insurance you have, you can keep it.
Mr. Obama clearly misspoke when he said that. …
This overblown controversy has also obscured the crux of what health care reform is trying to do, which is to guarantee that everyone can buy insurance without being turned away or charged exorbitant rates for pre-existing conditions and that everyone can receive benefits that really protect them against financial or medical disaster, not illusory benefits that prove inadequate when a crisis strikes.
Get the message, dimwitted flyover country Americans? You’re too stupid to know a good deal when you see one, so Mr. Obama aided and abetted by a sycophantic media had to lie to you for your own good. Your visceral, negative reaction to Mr. Obama’s gift of Free Health Insurance for EveryoneTM* just shows how correct Mr. Obama was to lie to you in the first instance.
Since Americans clearly haven’t understood the brilliance of Mr. Obama (or as he is known in Alinskyite circles, Captain Ends Justify the Means), the New York Times editors are forced to explain to stupid Americans yet again why Mr. Obama is correct.
The duplicitous, catamitic Obama worshippers ensconced on the
New York Times editorial board
rolled out this airbrushed historical narrative worthy of the Soviet Union:*
Individuals facing higher premiums are understandably distressed. But there is no getting around the fact that health reform changes the status quo — including requiring insurance companies to provide essential health benefits that were not previously covered and to take on people who were rejected before because of their health.
Those who will pay more should take comfort in the knowledge that should they lose their jobs or face financial hardships or a medical crisis their previous policies would not have adequately covered, they would benefit from a health care safety net that offers federal subsidies and comprehensive coverage.
Permit ‘Puter to sum up the editors’ larger point. It’s good Mr. Obama lied to you because we, your enlightened betters, think you’ll be better off with a higher cost policy. You’re just too stupid to realize it. Besides, if you’re making enough money to be outside the subsidy (i.e., welfare handout) margin, then you probably didn’t vote for Obama anyway, so you richly deserve the screwing you’re getting now. Suck it up, Buttercup.
The New York Times’reaction is a bit baffling to dimwitted ‘Puter. Its editorials are written as if the New York Times had no idea that Mr. Obama promised Americans if we liked our doctor, we could keep our doctor. The editors made it perfectly clear anyone who thought Mr. Obama actually said if Americans liked our health care plans, we could keep our health care plans is too dense to grok basic English.
Unfortunately for the
New York Times and its credibility, its editors knowingly and willfully participated in Mr. Obama’s lie, providing Mr. Obama access to some of the most valuable column inches in American media.
On
15 August 2009, the New York Timespublished an editorial written by renowned health care sage and United States president Barack H. Obama in which Mr. Obama stated:
This is what reform is about. If you don’t have health insurance, you will finally have quality, affordable options once we pass reform. If you have health insurance, we will make sure that no insurance company or government bureaucrat gets between you and the care you need. If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan. You will not be waiting in any lines. This is not about putting the government in charge of your health insurance. I don’t believe anyone should be in charge of your health care decisions but you and your doctor — not government bureaucrats, not insurance companies. [emphasis added]
‘Puter loves him some added emphasis. Not only did the editors know Mr. Obama made his now-infamous promise, the New York Times actually published Mr. Obama’s own writing making the very promise the New York Timesdenies Mr. Obama made.
But wait! There’s more!
The
New York Timeseditors
knew Obama was lying to Americans as early as 2 September 2010, when they stated “Republicans routinely chastise President Obama for failing to guarantee that you can keep your current health plan if you like it.”
That is, Mr. Obama and the New York Times both knew many, many people were going to lose their health insurance, regardless of whether they wanted to keep it or not. How else are we to interpret the editors’ statement that Mr. Obama was “failing to guarantee” we could keep our health insurance if we liked it?
Therefore, at all times after 2 September 2010 each time the New York Times editors permitted publication of any article or opinion piece alleging Americans could keep their health insurance if they liked it, the editors participated in a lie. ‘Puter’s fairly certain reporting as fact items known to be false violates ethical codes, even an ethical code as porous and minimal as that of journalists.
The New York Timesgrossly violated journalistic standards in service of a partisan ends: the reelection of President Obama and the passage (and continued viability) of ObamaCare. If the editors had any shame (or ethics), they would quit en masseand issue an apology to the American people.
“Don’t worry,” ‘Puter’s certain the New York Times editors would tell him, “the ends justify the means.”
Just don’t ask the Ukrainians.
* Democrats define “free” as “we’ve so thoroughly hidden the cost flow through that the average American will never figure out they’re actually paying for it.”
** And speaking of the Soviet Union, it’s not like the New York Times ever permitted itself to be used by Josef Stalin to advance a false narrative concerning a massive, regional famine (e.g., Ukraine) or anything.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.
