‘Puter Does The Debt Ceiling, Part The First: A Primer
|Like Hypnotoad (AGTH),* President
Obama, Democrats and the media expect
us to unthinkingly believe them.
‘Puter’s sick and tired of know-nothings in the media – and even worse in government – spouting off about the debt limit, a subject which experience shows they do not understand. So, as a public service, ‘Puter’s decided to run a multi-part discussion of the debt limit, utilizing helpful examples, irrefutable facts and pesky laws to excoriate liberal misapprehensions concerning the debt limit.
Are you ready? Let’s begin.
The national debt is the total amount of money the United States has borrowed and has not yet repaid. It’s as simple as that. The debt limit is a legislative cap on the ability of the Treasury to borrow money in excess of a certain amount for any reason. That’s it.
The methods by which the United States incurs debt and how such debt is repaid is phenomenally complex and varied, but it’s unnecessary to know anything about bonds, notes, bills, etc. for purposes of this discussion.
Here is how President Obama’s Treasury Department chooses to define the debt limit:
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.