If liberals could stomach our site for more than a few seconds of their otherwise carnival attention span, they might ask when we will turn our unpleasant gaze toward the Right.

Indeed, we do quite often. In fact, not only did ‘Puter do so today already, but the Czar would like to add a point or two.

Humans are deeply complex psychological creatures, which is why despite many people’s attempts to do so, we are a hard species to predict and control. But when it comes to politics, you usually don’t need to go beyond Psychology 101.

Seriously—if you want to understand most liberals and their spectrum of beliefs, child psychology provides most of your answers, sadly.

But what about the Tea Party folks? Many of them read our site and exchange frank and often very supportive views with us. The Czar is very sympathetic to their interests, and naturally we find ourselves in agreement a large portion of the time. The Czar risks cheesing most of them off today, but like Ghettoputer, some truths need to be said.

Tea Party psychology is quite simple; in fact, it is quite logical. Sometimes, this is to a fault: when a Tea Party fanatic complains to us that the federal government has no business doing X because it isn’t spelled out in the Constitution, we usually have to remind them to check Article I, Section 8, of the document that grants pretty broad powers. A lot of conservatives and libertarians don’t know the document as well as they claim.

Most Tea Partiers do understand the Constitution, Article and Section. In fact, they have a very strict interpretation of it and this is a Very Good Thing.

So when the Tea Party suffers a loss in an election, a political blunder like the shutdown, or a protest that goes astray, the Tea Party faithful don’t merely dislike it, they hate it—because they consider themselves constitutional purists, many take this as a sign that the Constitution itself is in error, broken, or mistaken.

But there was nothing constitutional about pushing for a government shutdown, or standing fast when it was clear nothing positive would result. There is a huge difference between conviction in constitutional principles and basic political strategy. Tea Party faithful should say “Yeah, we went too far on this on, but we learned. This won’t go down like this again,” rather than continuing to harangue everyone else about surrendering, rolling over, or being Quislings.

Enough already. The Tea Party needs to be taken seriously, so it needs to start thinking with its head and not its crotch.

Do:

Start promoting local candidates. No matter what polls say about Republicans losing popularity, the fact is Republicans are cleaning up in local and state elections and making a major difference. So much so that the Democrats are secretly worried about how they will continue to win federal elections in the future without candidates.

Develop a messaging plan. This is one area that Republicans just cannot seem to grasp: you need a message beyond saying you’re against whatever the Democrat just said. When a Republican develops a roadmap, he cannot articulate it for anything. The Tea Party can do it, and can therefore instruct the Republicans how to sell Tea Party ideas to a public desperate to hear anything positive.

Vet candidates. The Czar has been on this for a while: stop jumping on bandwagons for candidates who mysteriously show up, like Todd Akin, without knowing whether or not they really are who they claim to be.

Don’t

Call everyone a RINO just because they disagree on what time it is. At this point, 100% of all Republicans have been called RINOs by Tea Party supporters, usually for no other reason than the supporter disagreed on a technical point, or (worse) the supporter misunderstood what the Republican was actually saying. If you think Paul Ryan, Justin Amash, or Eric Cantor are RINOs because they suggested different solutions to the shutdown other than Obamacare, then…well, wow. You either don’t know what a RINO is or you don’t understand politics enough to save your own hide.

Primary incumbent Republicans. Okay, we get it—you don’t like the incumbent because he rolled his eyes at Ted Cruz the other day. The problem, if you haven’t noticed, is that the Senate is 52+2 Democrats and only 46 Republicans. That isn’t enough. When we get to 65+ Republicans, then you can afford to start primarying. Otherwise, you give the Democrats all the ammunition they need to take the Republican incumbent as well as the Tea Party challenger. Got it? Because the Czar isn’t sure you do. The House is strongly Republican—if you feel a burning need to primary incumbents, the House is strong enough to absorb the loss of a couple of Republicans. But where the Senate is concerned, your first job is to protect and preserve the incumbents until Harry Reid is safely out of power.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.