You know, it’s difficult to dislike Rand Paul. He’s a charming, well-spoken, thoughtful Senator who has more than a little of the country gentleman about him. He is very strict in his reading of the Constitution, extremely limited in his appreciation for what the government can do, and quite frankly has some too-readily-dismissed ideas about foreign policy. While the Czar frequently disagrees with Sen. Paul’s glib assessments of how to approach foreign governments, at least Paul has a foreign policy. The Czar would rather have a sometimes disagreeable foreign policy than none whatsoever. And to be fair, when you get into the details of Paul’s ideas, they aren’t that different from some successful presidents in America’s history—like Coolidge and (gasp!) even Reagan.

But unfortunately, and we probably have said this quite often, as solid a politician and upstanding a man as Senator Paul is, he will never be President of the United States. And, yes, he can thank his father for that. Ron Paul continues to be an embarrassment to the republic, and now that he isn’t running for the King of Fantasyland, the elder Paul feels it doesn’t matter what he says anymore.

From deleted tweets to long-forgotten jabs in unread newsletters to throwaway post-2012 comments, Ron Paul has a history of just hating people. He’s a misanthrope, and unfortunately it explains his politics too well. Ron Paul doesn’t want to scale back the military because he believes it’s good for the country—he wants to be an isolationist because he hates people. He doesn’t want to reduce government because the country is collapsing under its own weight, but because he just wants less people knocking on his door.

Which is too bad, because ostensibly he’s brought a lot of people into the world as an obstetrician. But the problem with Ron Paul isn’t that he is what he is, but that he pretends that he isn’t. Whether you believe in his suggestions—many of which are good—about the size and scope of government or not, the problem is that Ron Paul pretended to be someone he wasn’t: a guy who likes Americans.

Go back to his now deleted tweet about American service members: he revealed to us all that day that, despite his honorable military career, he doesn’t care too much for the men and women in uniform. His comment the other day that Americans deserved to die on September 11, 2001, thanks to American influence around the world shows that he’s an unsympathetic bastard to everyone else. He just doesn’t like Americans.

Okay, so Ron Paul deserved to lose the election time and again. How does this hobble Rand Paul?

Look, if this was a Billy vs. Jimmy Carter crazy-brother thing, no problem. But Ron is the father of Rand, and both have said that Ron was an inspiration to Rand. Of course, there are many good things about Ron Paul and he easily should be inspirational to his sons. But the Democrats running against candidate Rand Paul need only play comments from his dad time and again on commercials.

Rand Paul cannot win against the Democratic marketing machine.

“But Americans are smart enough to know that Rand is different from his dad! They won’t be confused between the two!” You might not, but the public believed a lot of things in 2012:

1. Mitt Romney once tackled a kid by himself, produced electric clippers out of thin air, plugged them into nothing, and basically shaved the struggling kid bald because Mitt hated long-haired people. This despite the fact that everyone who knew the alleged victim said it never happened.
2. Mitt Romney had no idea you could buy sandwiches from a vending machine. Of course, Mitt was explaining how simple a free-market economy can work without intervention, but that was conveniently edited out.
3. Mitt Romney delighted in the idea that Detroit should fail and that people should be hurt by the fallout. Even though the op-ed he wrote made it very clear he was talking about the restructuring of the automobile industry. Ford Motors followed Mitt’s suggestions and is a successful, thriving company. The rest took Obama’s bailout money and lost all of it.
4. Mitt Romney honestly believes that Russia is playing the United States for fools, especially in Syria! What a lunatic.
5. Mitt Romney has no interest in 47% of the United States population, and hates poor people.

Imagine what they’ll say about Rand Paul. And the scary thing is, Ron Paul might agree with a lot of it.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.