|Kevin Cronin and REO Speedwagon secretly
advance the grand plot of the omnipotent White
Male Patriarchy to keep Blacks down through
judicious application of late 1970s rock music.
In the immortal words of REO Speedwagon, ‘Puter’s had “enough of the falseness of a worn out relation, enough of the jealousy and the intoleration.” ‘Puter believes it’s time for him to fly off the handle.
The Left’s race-colored glasses view of the world is unbearable at the best of times. With Saturday night’s Zimmerman acquittal, the Left has become positively unhinged seeing racism in all things, no matter how implausible.
President Obama lectured America for the umpteenth time on its patent racism, simultaneously accusing White Americans of bigotry and calling for yet another National Conversation on RaceTM. After all, if Mr. Obama had a son, he’d look exactly like Trayvon Martin. And, lest we simpletons in Flyover Country forget, George Zimmerman was a White guy (regardless of the fact he’s half Hispanic).* Therefore, we are to infer from Mr. Obama’s statement that a mythological kind-of-but-not-really White guy murdered President Obama’s nonexistent son or something. ‘Puter’s not exactly certain what Mr. Obama’s greater point is. ‘Puter’s only certain that White males are somehow to blame.
Next up, Attorney General Eric Holder picked up the “America’s the most racist nation on Earth” mantra at an NAACP gathering in Florida yesterday, smugly stating that expanding the legal right to self-defense is the moral equivalent of resurrecting the Klan’s Night Riders to terrorize and murder Blacks under cover of darkness. Mr. Holder, the nation’s highest ranking law enforcement officer, would have us believe that Americans, left to their own devices, would embark on a course of conduct with regard to Black people that would make the Katyn Forest Massacrepale in comparison. But mostly White males, because it’s a liberal article of faith that all evil is rooted in Whitey T. Mann.
Not to be out-liberaled, Morning Joe hastily shone the Donkey Signal skyward over Upper Northwest D.C./Chevy Chase, calling the Superliberal Friends (including colossal asshat and execrable human being Robert Gibbs) to the Echo Chamber of Justice (a/k/a MSNBC) to broadcast the received wisdom of intellectual lightweights: De Nigris nil nisi bonum. Today’s object lesson pour encourager les autres was noted Leftie Washington Post columnist and undeniable White guy Richard Cohen. Mr. Cohen’s unforgivable crime was to write the obvious in his column, stating simply “the public knows young black males commit a disproportionate amount of crime.” You’d have thought Mr. Cohen had advocated reinstitution of Jim Crow laws across the nation, or at a minimum questioned the wisdom of Mayor Bloomberg’s Big Gulp ban.
Andrea Mitchell was so upset, ‘Puter caught the faintest indication of a furrow on her overly-botoxed, expressionless brow.
In a brave display of tolerance for the First Amendment rights of others, Sen. Chuck Schumer called for Mr. Cohen to withdraw his column immediately and apologize to Black America, whatever the Hell that is.**
Mika Brzezinski was so flustered she forgot to make the obvious link between Trayvon Martin’s death and childhood obesity caused by bodegas selling stale Skittles and three year old Arizona Iced Tea to Black youths in hoodies.
‘Puter’s a pudgy, bald, middle-aged, straight White male. (Forty-four is middle-aged, regardless of what skeletal 55 year old women’s magazine editors sporting the latest haute couture fashion, store-bought titties, ass implants, unnaturally dark hair, whorange-colored spray tan skin, bleached teeth and boy toy manservants would have you believe). ‘Puter has a lovely wife (far lovelier than he deserves), two great kids (so far – it can all change in a flash) a nice house in a well-to-do suburb of Rochester, New York. ‘Puter’s solidly upper-middle class, if not low-end rich, by today’s standards.
‘Puter worked hard to get where he is, spending 19 years of his life in top schools, attending a top-20 law school on his own dime. ‘Puter gambled, choosing to go in-house with a startup company back in 1998 in return for an equity stake. ‘Puter’s gamble has thus far paid off. ‘Puter earned what he has. ‘Puter obeys the law, pays his taxes, says his prayers, gives to charity, helps others and contributes to the economy. ‘Puter doesn’t ask for much in return. All ‘Puter really wants is to be left alone, by the government and by the media.
But liberal-run government and its media catamites won’t let ‘Puter and his ilk alone, blaming White guys for nearly everything that goes wrong, up to and including the pathologies of American Blacks because racism.
Well, ‘Puter’s finally fed up. ‘Puter’s sick and G-d-damned tired of being painted as racist by a media all too ready to judge him, sight unseen, but completely unwilling to cast its jaded, gimlet eye on Blacks.
‘Puter was born in the United States, District of Columbia in 1969. At no time during ‘Puter’s entire existence has racial discrimination against non-Whites been permitted under American law. ‘Puter never benefitted from racially segregated schools, or from racially discriminatory hiring practices and workplaces. But for ‘Puter’s entire existence, he’s been treated by his government, most institutions of higher learning and some employers as a second-class citizen because of the color of his skin.
Sure, liberals will tell you, we racially discriminate against White men. But it’s perfectly acceptable. After all, you’re White and male, the most hateful people race/gender combination to ever walk the face of the earth. But don’t worry; the unconstitutional and illegal discrimination won’t go on forever. Leave it to us beneficent liberal solons. We know exactly how much reverse racial discrimination is necessary, and for how long, to compensate Blacks for racist laws that were overturned 50 years or more ago.
And sure, we liberals know that today’s middle-aged White males had absolutely nothing to do with slavery, Jim Crow or BET depictions of Black women as concupiscent whores. Too damned bad, Whitey T. Mann. Someone’s got to suffer for liberalism’s irrational, illegal campaign of racial reparations, and that someone’s you. We all-knowing, inerrant liberals are more than willing to screw you over on the basis of your skin color to prove our point that screwing people over on the basis of their skin color is wrong.
Well, liberals can suck it. ‘Puter’s tired of being the object of racial discrimination, and more to the point, racial animus. ‘Puter’s been on the receiving end of legal, codified racial discrimination his entire life. No American Black man of similar age can say that. In fact, Blacks have become what they claim to hate: beneficiaries of an unjust, legally enforced, racial spoils system, just like Jim Crow era Whitey T. Mann.
Yet, despite the Left’s insistence that America discuss racism and resolve the issue once and for all, America is somehow supposed to do so without mentioning any fact, no matter how central to the problem, that would make Blacks look bad. At least that’s what watching MSNBC and listening to Mr. Obama’s speeches has taught ‘Puter.
So, as a public service to White males everywhere, and as a means of advancing liberals National Conversation on Race, ‘Puter provides the following incomplete list of Things White Men (Or Anyone Else) Must Never Say, Ever, And We Really, Really Mean It:
· Whitey can’t say it’s rational to be afraid of young Black males because young Black males commit violent crimes at an enormously disproportionate rate compared to males of any other race, regardless of age. But it’s true.
· It’s unmentionable in polite White company that Blacks committed 52.5% of all murders in America between 1980 and 2008 despite representing only 12.6 percent of the population. But it’s true.
· It’s unthinkable that White people admit Blacks committed murders at a rate 8 times higher than that of Whites between 1980 and 2008. But it’s true.
· God forbid Whitey say nearly half of all murderers are under 25, and that fully 76.6 percent of killers are under 35. But it’s true.
· And Whitey can’t say that men commit seven times more murders than women. But it’s true.
· If a White cop told you that when a Black person is a murder victim, there’s a 93% chance his murderer is Black. But it’s true.
· White-as-the-snow-capped-Urals Czar can’t say Blacks have the second highest poverty rate in the United States (hot on the heels of American Indians) at 25.8%, or 9,472,583 people as of 2011. But it’s true.
· Giant albino (really more shiny metal than albino) robot GorT can’t inform us that in 12 states, the poverty rate for Blacks exceeds 30.0%. But it’s true.
· Fish-belly-White medical professional Dr. J couldn’t tell his medical students that Blacks abort their children at a rate nearly 3.5 times that of Whites and more than twice that of Hispanics, killing about 448,000 children in 2007. But it’s true.
· Mandy, who’s a whiter shade of pale, couldn’t let you in on the dirty little secret that in 2009 that 63.4% of all Black children lived with either one or none of their parents. But it’s true.
· White-as-Congressional-Country-Club’s-2013-membership-portrait Good Morning America (Motto: “News, Disneyfied!”) will never let on that Black families get 31.2% of all TANF funding despite comprising only 12.6% of America’s population. But it’s true.
· Noted rich White One Percenter Secretary of the Treasury Jacob Lew isn’t going to let on that 41.7% of Blacks who file income tax returns either owe no money or get money back. But it’s true.
‘Puter doesn’t revel in these facts. ‘Puter’s just pissed that liberals pretend these facts don’t exist, insisting without proof or logic that somehow, some way White men are responsible for every pathology visited on Black Americans.
Liberals and their post-modernist bullshit “root causes” advanced to explain White males’ responsibility for Blacks’ plight are simply not true, and no amount of “critical race theory” analysis can prove otherwise. Rather, it’s liberalism’s insistence that Blacks be treat as infants requiring a paternalistic federal government daddy figure (controlled by liberals, of course) to provide for them that’s caused the vast majority of Blacks’ problems.
You don’t believe ‘Puter, do you? Read on.
Liberalism destroyed the Black family with welfare, incentivizing women to have multiple children and refuse to marry the father(s) in order to maximize cash payments. Sainted liberal Democrat Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan (D-NY) told America as much way back in 1965 when he was a mere Assistant Secretary of Labor. Not enough proof for you? There’s more.
Liberalism’s fealty to teachers’ unions caused the decline and eventual collapse of inner-city public schools, damning Blacks to ignorance and joblessness just as certainly as Jim Crow laws did. Just look at the Chicago Teachers’ Union strike in 2012, where one of Democrat party’s major financial contributors walked off the job, abandoning Chicago’s poor children for over a week. This, despite the fact that Chicago’s teachers averaged $76,000 in salary a year, not to mention benefits and retirement packages. This, too, despite the fact Chicago has a long history of underperforming schools and piss-poor standardized testing results. Still not enough? OK.
Liberalism’s destruction of Black families, educational opportunities and children created generations of fatherless, jobless, uneducated young Black men who, needing to support themselves, turned to crime.
Enough of pretending liberalism hasn’t nearly single-handedly destroyed Black communities.
Enough of pretending Blacks are helpless victims, completely blameless for their own circumstances.
Enough of pretending each and every White male from the dawn of time to the present day bears sole responsibility for Blacks’ current circumstances, like some perverse, liberal-created version of original sin.
Enough of pretending racial hucksters out solely for self-enrichment like “Rev.” Jesse Jackson and “Rev.” Al Sharpton are credible, serious men, worthy of respect much less their own talk show.
Enough of pretending the media doesn’t have a vested interest in finding racism everywhere, in all slights real and imagined, in order to stir up controversy creating news to cover, advancing a hard-Left agenda and keeping its priestly caste permanently employed.
It’s time many Blacks and most liberals stopped blaming everyone except Blacks for the horror show that is Black culture today. There’s plenty of blame to go around, and plenty of work for us all to do together to help heal the Black community, but pretending Blacks are faultless victims helps no one.
Yes, Blacks had it rough, and in many cases still do. Yes, Blacks disproportionately live in crappy, crime-ridden neighborhoods. Yes, public education in poor neighborhoods sucks like Jenny McCarthy “auditioning” for a movie role. Yes, White individuals still discriminate against Blacks to this day.
But it’s sure as Hell not ‘Puter’s fault. And it’s sure as Hell not exclusively White males and double-secret nationwide conspiracies keeping Blacks down.
And it’s time America admitted it.
*Interestingly, by the Left’s newly released Zimmerman Color Coded Racial Identification Swatch Book, Mr. Obama himself is a White male, since he’s only half Kenyan.
**’Puter envisions Black America as an alternate reality in which all Americans have a doppelganger, but the doppelganger has a goatee so you know he’s evil. In ‘Puter’s dystopian vision, even the women have goatees. Worse, Canada is the dominant world power and treats America like the nice-but-boring uncle who gives you religious books and scratchy turtleneck sweaters at Christmas.
***Isn’t that correct, “Reverend” Al Sharpton? By the way, “Rev.” Sharpton, have you repaid your fellow travelers yet for settling up the $65,000.00 defamation judgment Mr. Pagones took against you for falsely claiming he was one of the six rapists knowing full well Ms. Brawley made up the entire story?
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.