Think you know what it takes to put together a Ten Things You Didn’t Know list? After a short, challenging introduction that says really nothing, you decide to see if indeed the author has some arcane bit of trivia you didn’t know about one of your favorite topics.

1. These are space wasters. Most Ten Things lists are there to take up a lot of space with text, trivia, pictures, and graphics and contribute nothing to news or popular culture. If anything, they are bait to get you to spend time on a page.
2. Most are things the author didn’t know. It becomes obvious after reading a couple that you already knew them. Jerry next door already knew them. In fact, just about everyone knows them. In fact, the only person who seems surprised by a relevation (Alec Guiness thought Star Wars was a stupid hack movie but needed the money!) is the author.
3. People hate to stop reading partway through. So even though you know this is a waste of your time, you continue right on to the next one.
4. This is what passes for news. Years ago, they called it infotainment—using news features to entertain you. Unfortunately, with the Internet killing the mainstream media, the concept flipped and now entertainment becomes interspersed with information.
5. Every so often, a really arcane entry comes up. Just to convince you it contains information you didn’t know, the author will throw in some incredibly obscure fact even the fanboiz didn’t know. Like that the star Alpha Centauri is also called CCDM J14396-6050.
6. The more photographs, the less information the author had and the editor is really trying to stretch. The larger the photographs, of course, the more they’re filling up the page.
7. Many say “Probably.” Things you probably didn’t know lets the author off the hook psychologically. Because probably is not a guarantee of either information or entertainment.
8. It takes minutes to fire one of these off. No surprise the editors love them.
9. They love science fiction or fantasy movies because nerds can’t get enough of these lists.
10. Many of the lists are intended to annoy. No one is ever going to agree with any type of top ten list, and the authors often put in one controversial piece intended to generate negative reactions. Emails, letters, voice…all forms of critcism encourage people to keep reading the original piece. Because these are just bait. See number one.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.