“After tonight’s debate, I’ll be at 1 win, and you’ll be at 0 wins. See? I even provided you visual aids. But I see your clearly superior intellect is engrossed in deep thought, so I’ll wait for you to look up.”

After Mitt Romney emasculated Barack Obama in last week’s presidential debate, the word went forth from the White House to its catamites in the Mainstream Media. Thus spake Obama, The One, the Untingled Pant Leg Tingler:

Mitt Romney lied so much, I didn’t even know where to begin to respond. That’s why you may have gotten the erroneous impression that I choked like Mama Cass at all you can eat ham sandwich night at the local Waffle House.  In reality, my gigantic intellect was processing all possible permutations of rebuttals, but since Romney lied so much, it took more than 90 minutes to formulate an adequate response. And when I am deep in thought, I slip into a trace-like state, look down and refuse to engage anyone at all.  That’s how all-knowing and all-powerful I am.  Stupid, benighted Republicans. So there.

Dutifully, the media set about cultishly repeating the White House’s mantra, “Romney lied, Big Bird died.” Following orders, the media maintained its laser-like focus on Obama’s individual message mandate (“ROMNEE’Z UH LYUR!!1!”), ignoring unimportant stories like the White House undermanning security at our Benghazi consulate despite repeated requests to provide additional security, which directly led to the death of four Americans, including our ambassador.  After all, Romney’s a liar. That’s real news, you subhuman cretins.

But an interesting thing happened on the way to the vice presidential debate.  Congressional hearings showed for all to see that it was not at all Romney who was lying, but Obama.  The Obama Administration failed to heed numerous warnings that its Benghazi consulate was in imminent danger, requiring reinforcements.  Not only that, once the horrible attack occurred, the Obama Administration sent its press flacks out to knowingly sell the false story that the consulate attack resulted from a spontaneous riot caused by a little-known YouTube video.  Not terrorism.  Nope. UN Ambassador Rice repeated the lies, the Obama deputy campaign manager Stef Cutter.  When called on it by a now-sheepish press, the Obama Administration didn’t recant.  Rather, it doubled down.

So none of us should be surprised to learn that Vice President Biden is willing to lie through his teeth in service of Obama’s reelection effort.  After all, this is the same “gentleman” who uses his dead first wife as a means of pushing his political agenda.  The phrase “morally reprehensible” is not strong enough to describe Biden as a human being. He is not worthy of our contempt.

But Biden’s stunning performance of lying through his teeth is worthy of review and comment.  Here’s a quick list of the major lies Biden told last night.

ObamaCare does not force the Catholic Church to fund abortions and birth control, in contravention of the Church’s core beliefs and Constitutional rights.

False.  The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops put out a press release this morning calling shenanigans on Captain Hairplugs. The assembled bishops of Biden’s Church said Biden lied.  Actually, the bishops were slightly more polite, saying only that Biden’s statements were “not a fact.”  Further, Biden’s church says it “continues to urge HHS, in the strongest possible terms, actually to eliminate the various infringements on religious freedom imposed by the mandate.”

The Obama Administration is only going to raise taxes on those making over $1,000,000.00 per year.

False.  This time, you don’t have to take ‘Puter’s word for it, or the word of a bunch of unelected, unmarried old men in funny clothes.  Well, you sort of have to do the latter.  White House Press Secretary Jay Carney came out today and walked back Biden’s statement.  Obama knows if he wins reelection, he will be stuck with Biden’s “no increased taxes on anyone making less than $1,000,000” will prevent him from doing what he wants to do: raise everyone’s taxes.  So Obama trotted out Jay Carney to throw Biden under the bus.  The White House’s walk back is a backhanded affirmation of Ryan’s point that Obama and Biden will raise taxes on anyone rich enough to make over $250,000 per year.  It must be a little embarrassing for Biden be called a liar by his boss. Fortunately for Biden, he’s a man without shame.

The White House knew nothing about our Benghazi consulates repeated requests for additional security, nor about its fears of attack.

False.  Again, don’t take ‘Puter’s word for it.  The journalistic equivalent of Mad Libs, the Huffington Post, reports that White House Press Secretary Jay Carney* walked back Biden’s statement, blaming the State Department for not sharing information with the White House.  For those keeping score at home, that’s Biden and Secretary Clinton now gazing upwards at the transmission of Obama’s campaign bus.** The White House’s weak “no one told us” excuse doesn’t hold up.  As an executive, you are responsible for the actions and inactions of those who report to you. If one of your subordinates effs up, it’s your problem.  As a Democrat once famously said, “The buck stops here.” Maybe Obama and Biden ought to see if President Truman’s desk plate is still around, unless of course they thought it clashed with the Oval Office’s new carpet and sent it back to England with the bust of Churchill, publicly insulting our closest ally.

And this list just contains the big lies Biden told. Biden also lied when he said he never voted for the Iraq or Afghanistan wars.

When the Obama campaign chose to stake its reelection hopes on the “Woe is me! My opponent lied!” canard, it shouldn’t have sent Joe Biden out to do its dirty work. Based on Biden’s performance last night, he’s not bright enough to realize if your future rests of convincing voters your opponent is a liar, you’d better not be lying yourself.

*’Puter actually pities Carney for all the metaphorical nut-punching he has to endure for saying things with a straight face any remotely sentient being knows to be false.  The White House Press Corps in service to Obama (ABC’s Jake Tapper excepted) has spent more time on its knees than a hooker working Fleet Week.  If they’re too ashamed to run with Obama’s talking points, America knows the White House position is an absolutely unsupportable lie.  And yet out walks Carney, knowing full well the shellacking that’s coming.

**May God have mercy on Obama and Biden if they lose this election, because Bill and Hillary sure as heck won’t. 

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.