Vice President Joe Biden addresses the media after his stunning debate performance, blames the intelligence community for not making certain he took his meds today.

‘Puter watched the vice presidential debate last evening with his entire family, at least until ‘Puter shooed Spawn off to bed around 9:45 PM.

Here’s a quick roundup of Clan ‘Puter’s takes on the debate:

Mrs. ‘Puter found Biden inexplicably manic, obnoxious and incoherent, all rolled into one.  Mrs. ‘Puter found Ryan wonkish and verbose, but acceptable generally.  A draw, for Mrs. ‘Puter.

‘Puter, Jr. found Biden to be the funniest thing he’d ever seen, comparing Biden to himself without the assistance of his ADHD medications. ‘Puter, Jr.’s friends, via Facebook, text and Twitter, spent the entire debate tooling on Biden.  As such, ‘Puter, Jr. had no opinion on Ryan.

Spawn asked ‘Puter why Biden had blue teeth and bad hair. ‘Puter replied that it was punishment for being obnoxiously rude to the moderator, Ms. Raddatz, and Ryan. Spawn thought the part that he saw was a draw.

‘Puter found the debate telling. 

Ryan was green, a bit nervous and at times overwhelmed by the newness and immediacy of his current position as a vice presidential candidate.  But Ryan indisputably came prepared with a wide array of facts, figures and nuance at his disposal to counter every charge leveled at him by his opponents Biden and Raddatz.  Ryan also held his tongue when by all rights he should have lept across the table and beaten Biden to death with his ridiculously fake-looking dental work.

Biden was a boor. Biden was Chris Matthews at his worst.  He interrupted both Ryan and Raddatz, bitched and moaned about how unfair it all is, frequently dodged questions in favor of unrelated talking points and thrashed about like a crackhead in rehab going through the worst of withdrawal. Biden did manage, though, to finish what he must have set out to accomplish: reassure his Kool-Aid drinking base of hard leftists. 

‘Puter’s final take is that Ryan won on substance and on visuals, but that Biden stanched the Obama Campaign’s hemorrhaging of its base voters, providing the red meat they cried out for.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.