If all gay marriages were Hello Kitty themed and held at Gay Pride Parades, they’d be much more popular.

‘Puter’s noticed gay marriage proponents have ceased calling gay marriage gay marriage.  The radical left before ‘Puter’s bleary eyes  has disappeared the phrase “gay marriage” from its lexicon, referring instead to an amorphous, undefined term “marriage equality.” The rapidity with which gay marriage vanished would have made Stalin’s NKVD proud.

Here’s marriage equality on Human Rights Campaign’s website.  Here’s a website from an outfit called MarriageEqualityUSA using the term.  Here’s Greg Sargent at the Washington Post using marriage equality in his blog.  Here’s Change.org using marriage equality in association with the phrase “get each other’s backs,” which made ‘Puter chuckle in a very un-PC and juvenile manner. Heck, the worst kept secret in Washington these days is that the Democrats are putting “marriage equality” in their platform.

Don’t be fooled.  Marriage equality does not mean marriage equality any more than African-Americans means African-American.  Marriage equality means one thing and one thing only: the right of two consenting individuals over 18 years of age of any gender to marry each other.  In other words, since the marriage of one man and one woman is already legal, “marriage equality” is a focus group tested code word meaning gay marriage without actually saying it.  Any group that has to hide its true agenda by manipulating language is losing the battle.

Look.  If you support gay marriage, fine.  ‘Puter disagrees with you, and if gay marriage is placed on a statewide referendum, ‘Puter will vote against it.**  But don’t lie about what you’re for.  You’re for gay marriage.  You are not for marriage equality.  Well, maybe some of you are, but ‘Puter doubts it.

Here’s what you’d have to be in favor of to be in favor of marriage equality, in no particular order:

1. Heterosexual marriage between two consenting adults.

2. Gay marriage between two consenting adults.

3. Plural marriage (bigamy, right on up) among multiple consenting heterosexual adults.

4. Plural marriage among multiple consenting homosexual adults.

5. Plural marriage among multiple consenting homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual adults.

6. Marriage between an adult and a minor, with all the plural and heterosexual/homosexual variants of numbers 1 through 5 above

7. Marriage between a human and an animal, with all the plural and heterosexual/homosexual variants of numbers 1 through 5 above.

8. Any other danged combination of people, animals and things, in any number, that the most perverted among us can imagine.

If marriage can be redefined to incorporate the notion of homosexual unions, there is no rational basis to stop the redefinition there. If marriage is reduced to a union of consenting adults, all of ‘Puter’s examples are on the table.  Truly, supporters of gay marriage, please make ‘Puter a compelling argument that the rationale for gay marriage is in any manner different than the rationale for plural marriage.  In fact, the rationale for plural marriage at least has an historical basis.

‘Puter’s not intending this post to be an argument against gay marriage.  He’s made plenty of other posts on that topic.  What’s got ‘Puter hopping made is the ease with which leftists coopt language in the service of an unpopular issue, masking their true intent from the general public.

‘Puter’s of a mind that if gays truly believe they have a civil and human right to marry, they should specifically make that argument.  And ‘Puter has heard from plenty of gays and lesbians who believe exactly that and are unafraid to say so.  How about saying, “Two homosexuals have the right to marry each other on the same terms and conditions as two heterosexuals.  To permit otherwise is contrary to our human rights and the Constitution.”  That’s all you have to say.  Don’t hide behind Orwellian Newspeak, obfuscating your true goal with bullshit terms like “marriage equality.”

Let your big, gay freak (and regular old boring) flag fly!***

**Before you get your panties in a wad, ‘Puter lives in Upstate New York where gay marriage is now legal.  Although ‘Puter firmly believes that legalizing gay marriage was a bad idea on many levels, it is the law in his state.  And, frankly, as a day-to-day issue, ‘Puter’s got bigger fish to fry.  ‘Puter has several gay friends in committed relationship (one couple even recently married), and their relationship doesn’t affect him at all.  ‘Puter doesn’t care whether you’re gay, Mormon, Black, Chicano, into three ring monkey sex with 15 consenting adults.  Whatever.  Just keep your yard clean, be a nice person in public and don’t cram your agenda down his throat, and we’ll all get along just fine.

Good luck, guys.  Marriage is tough.

***And before @LibsRule4Ever gets his undies in a bunch, here’s a photo of two gay men getting married.  Aside from the fact that the participants are two men, it looks pretty much like every other wedding ceremony between two people who love each other, regardless of my position on the advisability of gay marriage.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.