Your Gormogons attempting to smuggle ‘Puter back into the U.S.

 Dana Milbank of the ever-entertaining Washington Post provides evidence of what ‘Puter has long suspected: WaPo opinionators exist in an alternate reality, akin to Bizarro World.

Mr. Milbank, commenting on Supreme Court arguments regarding Arizona’s illegal immigrations laws, accuses Justice Scalia of being a simple-minded, partisan moron, akin to the simple-minded, partisan morons marching outside the Supreme Court in support of the Arizona laws.

That’s just awesome logic.  “I, a stunningly insightful and popular (and handsome) WaPo commentator, disagree with your position, Justice Scalia.  Therefore, you are wrong.” 

‘Puter for one is pleased to see such a distinguished jurist as Mr. Milbank giving a lesser legal mind the old what-fer. Wait, what? Mr. Milbank isn’t an attorney, much less a judge? What?  Well, at least we know Mr. Milbank’s intellect is far superior to Justice Scalia, since Mr. Milbank’s an Eli, a member of Yale’s Political Union Progressive Party, and Skull and Bones.**

Justice Scalia’s Georgetown undergrad degree, Harvard Law degree, years of private legal practice, professorship at University of Chicago law, work in the Nixon and Ford administrations and time sitting on the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit (arguably the most prestigious non-Supreme Court judgeship), not to mention his quarter-century spent as an Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court are clearly no match for the legal argument witnessed in Mr. Milbank’s misinformed back-bench bomb throwing.  After all, Mr. Milbank’s liberal, and Justice Scalia is not.  What further proof does one require?

‘Puter’s intrigued as to how two men with the same education (except that President George W. Bush actually has more education than Mr. Milbank) are perceived so differently by the Left solely because of the individuals’ political bent.  But that’s a thread for another post.

Mr. Milbank takes great offense to Justice Scalia interrupting the government’s attorney arguing against Arizona’s immigration laws to inquire:

“The state has no power to close its borders to people who have no right to be there?” he asked incredulously.

And: “What does ‘sovereignty’ mean if it does not include the ability to defend your borders?”

And: “Are you objecting to harassing the people who have no business being here? Surely you’re not concerned about harassing them.”

And: “We have to enforce our laws in a manner that will please Mexico?”

From Justice Scalia’s questioning, Mr. Milbank deduces that Justice Scalia is hyper-partisan and wrong.

‘Puter’s not so sure, but then ‘Puter merely has a law degree from a top-20 law school and 15 years in government and private practice, so he’s cautious in challenge such an astute legal logician as Mr. Milbank.  ‘Puter meekly suggests to Mr. Milbank that it’s an equally possible conclusion that Justice Scalia doesn’t suffer fools lightly, and Justice Scalia believes Solicitor General Donald Verrilli’s argument is patently illogical and without merit.

The United States’ argument, put forth by the Solicitor General, is that states have no right to determine for themselves who is and is not legally present according to federal law provided such person is within their state borders, and to act in accordance with such findings.  As Justice Scalia succinctly put it, “Arizona is not trying to kick out anybody that the federal government has not already said do not belong here.”

It seems Justice Scalia believes as ‘Puter does.  Laws should mean something.  If a person is illegally present, and that person is caught, then that person should be subject to the penalties of the law.  If the federal government is not interested in enforcing the law, then the federal government should repeal the law.

But to Mr. Milbank, such positions conflict with his myopic liberal elite insider world view, and as such are void ab initio.

**Let’s see.  Who else is went to Yale and was a member of Skull and Bones, though probably not the Progressive Party?  Hmmm.  That’s right! President George W. Bush, the president ridiculed as a sub-literate cretin and pretender to the throne by the left-leaning punditocracy. It’s interesting that Mr. Milbank’s educational pedigree imparts a veneer of intelligence, while President Bush’s does not.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.