DT writes in:

Oh Wise and Mighty Czar,

Thank you for the explanation of the Castle Doctrine. I initially found the story confusing, as I confused the generic “castle” with the Castle Gormogon. That doctrine is a bit more … medieval, shall we say? Something to do with hot pokers, Justin Bieber records, and BenGay™ to the codpiece? Or am I confusing that with the Dread Dr. J’s cocktail parties?

Not sure; Doc has not had the Czar around for one of his parties ever since we made the ill-timed joke about the horny medic and the soldier with the sucking chest wound. Volgi remembers that one.

He is probably surprised we remember it, given the state of sobriety required to make a gag like that. Which was almost part of the joke.

Anyway, the Czar is not certain if we have an overall doctrine outside of Obey Us. Plenty of advice, especially about staying out of the Castle basement. Oh, and out of the second floor public washrooms until ‘Puter’s out of there. And then about 30 minutes thereafter.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.