True Story
Time for a true story about the Czar’s sainted mother?
The year is about 1994. Some acquaintances of hers begin speaking in non sequiturs and laughing hysterically, much to her annoyance. She demanded an explanation, naturally, and her friends asked “Haven’t you seen Sleepless in Seattle?”
“Is that the one with Tom Hanks?” They said yes, surprised that she hadn’t seen a film that won so many awards and accolades. Her friends advised her to rent it at all haste, and that it was one of the funniest films they had seen in years.
About two weeks or so later, she found herself in one of the then-ubiquitous video rental places, staring up and down the aisles. A clerk asked if he could help. She naturally forgot the name of the movie—it was on the tip of her tongue—but said “I’m trying to find this Tom Hanks movie that won all those awards; it came out last year, maybe? It has a city in the title.” The clerk knew immediately what she was looking for and handed her the cassette.
The very next day, she accosted her friends, furious. “How could you find that movie funny? That movie was terrible, it was so sad! I hated it. You heartless bastards.”
They stared at her. “You didn’t think Sleepless in Seattle was funny?”
The Czar’s mother blanked. “Sleepless in Seattle?”
“What did you rent?”
“Philadelphia.”
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.