Gentle Readers,

Dr. J. and Mrs. Dr. J. were having their morning at 0:Dark:45 yesterday morning, enjoying a little Fox and Friends before waking the Lil Resident and Lil Med Student for classes at the New Atlantis Jedi Academy. Rick Santorum was being interviewed and Mrs. Dr. J. commented that Rick reminded her of the prototypic Jedi Academy dad.

This got Dr. J. thinking. If Rick Santorum reminded her of a Jedi Academy dad, were Mitt and Newt analogous to other New Atlantean private school dads?

New Atlantis, by the way, has a number of excellent private schools. The public school system has a few very good elementary schools and magnet middle and high schools,but other than that forget it. After thinking about it, Mitt reminded Dr. J. of a prototypic pop from the New Atlantis School for Atlantian Aristocracy (NASAA). Now NASAA is actually a wonderful school but there are a number of old money New Atlantian families who have 3rd generation kids there. Newt, is reminiscent of the typical New Atlantis Ivory Tower Academy, or New Atlantis Magnet Pop (where many NAITU faculty send their kids), because he is so professorial in his demeanor (or a know-it-all, depending on who you ask). Ron Paul, he’s the homeschooling dad. (No offense home-schoolers). He just wants his kids off the grid.

Thinking this through further, Dr. J. realized that this analogy falls apart because in New Atlantis, there is too much crosstalk. There are Mitt-like dads, Rick-like dads and Newt-like dads at every school.

Furthermore, Mitt, Rick and Newt all have their pros and cons, and each of them appeals and is repulsive to a different facet of Dr. J.’s personality.

Dr. J. – Country Club Republican –  likes Mitt because you don’t have to worry about Mitt. He’s loaded, so you don’t have to worry about him being bought or over indulging in the trappings of the office. He’s polite and well mannered, so you know he won’t offend anyone. He’s worked for a living, so you know politics aren’t his end all, be all.

Rick on the other hand, is too blue collar. It makes Dr. J. worry he can’t actually raise enough funds to stay in the general election race against Obama who has a $1B head start. If he did win, you worry about him using the wrong fork at the state dinner, or wearing the sweater-vest with the tux. And Newt, he’s’ great for the first Jack and Coke, but he keeps talking through the second, and Dr. J. would have to order a third before Newt might say, “So, what do you think?”

Dr. J. – Religious Conservative –  likes Rick. He’s Roman Catholic, and probably doesn’t say the Our Father in the ‘Orans’ position. He is what folks in New Atlantis call a ‘Cradle Catholic.’ So culturally, he and Dr. J. get each other. He reminds Dr. J. of the dad manning the grill at the Church carnival, or passing the collection basket at mass. He’s clearly Pro-life, has his conservative bona fides, but as a good Catholic, he has compassion for the poor. Dr. J. worries that this element of his personality may translate into squishiness on entitlements when the left screams !!1!!1!! ELEVENTY!!!!!!!!! when it comes time to tackle entitlement reform.

Mitt doesn’t go to Church with Dr. J. so while Dr. J. admires his spirituality, there’s not the same connection. Newt…he’s the guy that did RCIA and converted three years ago and can tell you all the corporal and spiritual works of mercy by rote, and he IS the guy who wants to hold your hand during the Our Father.

Dr. J. – The Ivory Tower George Will/Charles Krauthammer Republican – of course, likes Newt. Newt is a policy nerd, just like Dr. J. is a medical wonk. That aspect of Newt’s personality that can discuss an issue in profound detail, and describe the history of the issue appeals to Dr. J. because he’s exactly the same way with medicine. He can wear you out not just about how to manage a heart attack, or heart failure, but also explain how we got to where we are now from where we were then. This is the guy that Dr. J. wants to have a latte with in the faculty lounge, rather than be productive on a Friday afternoon. The only drawback to this is that occasionally Newt can turn people off by talking too much, or sometimes not see the forest for the trees.

Mitt can tell you what’s going on right now and give you his plan, however he can’t look back within his own history and convince Dr. J. how he got from point A to point B. Specifically why Romneycare is not bad, while Obamacare clearly is. He’s the legacy kid. Rick, well, Rick reminds you of the guy who worked his way through a respectable, but not caché college, the one that the Ivory Tower types look down on, but despite that, he was Magna Cum Laude there, so he gets his props.

Conclusion – So as you can see, each of these candidates has their appeal, but also their un-peal to Dr. J. It reminds Dr. J. of playing Rock Paper Scissors. Santorum beats Gingrich, Gingrich Beats Mitt, and Mitt beats Santorum.

Because Rock Paper Scissors, like this campaign, can become tiring, folk expanded it, adding a lizard and Spock. In our case whoever comes out of the campaign will be beating the lizard.

Let’s just hope that the GOP will pick the right one, the one who in November can beat Spock.

Dr. J.