Thursday, January 5th, the Chicago Blackhawks are scheduled to arrive in Philadelphia to play Dr. J’s beloved Flyers. Because the Hawks don’t play the Predators (Doc’s other favorite team) until January 24th, the Czar is inclined to invite Dr. J. to an old-school Gormogon wager.

They work this way: the challenger makes a bet, in which he stipulates what he gets if he wins, and what he will deliver voluntarily if he loses. The challenged is welcome to stipulate what else he will get if victorious, and what he will give up in turn if defeated. Other members are welcome to particpate, if they feel some flicker of honor worth defending (Mandy follows the Hawks, but Doc is likely on his own with the Flyers; comes Caps v Hawks, though and it’s usually nuts around here). Minions and operatives may only watch in horror as lives are destroyed.

The Czar hereby challenges the good Doctor. If the Hawks are victorious over the Flyers, the Czar expects to receive a tassled beige yak-wool trapper hat. In the event the Flyers prevail over the Hawks, the Czar will relinquish his prized Mallort-flavored Preggie Pops.

Once again, the Doc may accept the challenge with a counter-challenge, or he may ignore the whole thing like you’re about to.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.