It’s been a while since ‘Puter’s taken time out to write concerning his rather boring life, rather than his over-the-top convictions, so here’s a status update for you.
1. ‘Puter’s off the Strattera for his ADHD. The medication had, for ‘Puter, bad side effects, including, but not limited to, urinary and sexual issues. Enough said about that. ‘Puter’s doctor switched him to Concerta, an amphetamine, and will ramp up the dosage weekly until it has its desired effect.
‘Puter has had no major side effect issues with Concerta. His blood pressure, if anything, has retreated further. It’s fairly consistently in the 115/75 range now, despite halving his dosage of HCTZ. Concerta does, however, kill ‘Puter’s appetite and make him thirsty, which he is assured are normal occurrences. On the upside, his lack of appetite has contributed to ‘Puter losing some of his middle-aged weight gain, which his doctor advised him to do anyway. So he’s got that going for him.
Interestingly, and Dr. J can comment knowledgeably on this further if he wishes, amphetamines make an ADHD person’s frontal lobe work correctly; that is, more slowly and efficiently. Further, it has calmed ‘Puter’s aggression and increased his emotional control significantly, even at the not-optimal dosing. This is the opposite effect the drug would have on a normally functioning brain. A normal person would experience hyperactivity and a burst of energy, unlike the ADHD person. It’s truly amazing how little we understand about the human brain, its neurotransmitters, and what constitutes the self.
2. Late Fall is ‘Puter’s favorite time of the year, especially Upstate. The days get shorter, the sunrises and sunsets more brilliant and the feel and scent of the air changes. There’s an immediacy in late Fall. The farmers’ markets are stocked with the last of the farmers’ crops, with overflowing tables of hard squashes, brussels sprouts, apples, breads, jams, carrots, radishes, leeks and all other manner of bounty. The game animals are moving. The geese noisily move South, and the deer enter the rut. Even on a gray, gun-eating day, the brilliance of the foliage stuns. And, on the human level, the bite in the North wind is a constant reminder that Winter is coming, so get your preparations done.
3. ‘Puter’s been cooking up a storm, and putting up food in his freezer. He’s made a ton of potato leek soup, giving a bunch to family and friends. Also on the soup menu have been butternut squash leek soup and spaghetti soup. Don’t ask about the latter. ‘Puter’s also put up a good amount of chili and meat sauce for the winter months. Roasts are ‘Puter’s favorite fall meal, from brined whole chicken to pork roasts glazed in whole seed mustard and garlic. ‘Puter’s not a big beef roast fan, though. And there’s nothing better than apple pie made with fresh, Upstate apples. The entire house smells of awesome.
4. ‘Puter’s been having at it with his liberal friends again on the usual topics: global warming, Wall Street occupation, evil Republicans, the new Roman Missal, etc. As he noted in our Twitter feed (which you should all be following), he’s realized that Vonnegut’s Harrison Bergeron presaged today’s modern Left’s fixation on “equality for all, costs be damned.” ‘Puter’s also constantly surprised by the Left’s lack of self-awareness, in that despite their fervid anti-religion bent, they have created a religion worshipping the Left’s fetishes from environmentalism to affirmative action. It’s an intriguing quasi-schizophrenia.
5. ‘Puter thinks Romney’s the Republican nominee. ‘Puter also thinks Romney loses to Obama. That said, no matter what you think of Romney, if he’s the nominee, ‘Puter’s going to hold his nose and vote. Staying home is not an alternative, because that gets a known crappy result: Obama’s reelection. Once we have a nominee, no matter how crappy or how centrist or how stealth-lefty, there’s an approximately 99.9% chance that he will be significantly better than Obama on the economy, so vote.
‘Puter’ll have more posts ranting and raving about all sorts of things. But he figured that today, a crisp All Saints’ Day, was an appropriate time for a more personal posting.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.