The Czar sees that Twitter is aflutter with expectations that the Czar will review tonight’s debate. Actually, just ScottO did, and that’s plenty.

Well, tonight it was hosted by Bloomberg, who introduced us to their under-watched channel with long commercials and odd topics. The good news—indeed the best news—about the debate was that it ended early, and the Czar was able to walk Sally for the night and still not miss a second of Top Shot.

Mitt Romney will be your next President of the United States. At least if this the group we have to pick from. Look, you can wonder about all the other candidates and admire them, but frankly, it keeps coming back to him. He is popular among the so-called independents, many liberals like him (enough to have made him governor of Massachusetts), he keeps holding steady, and manages to turn every negative into a positive. Attacked by most of the candidates, his answers were good, even if unsatisfying. His focus on undoing the Obama presidency is just enough to convince conservatives that they have done worse. And you know how Republicans are: they go with the guy they’ve known longest.

Another way to look at it, purely from tonight’s debates, is to see why the others won’t make it.

Herman Cain sure started out strong, and managed to get the whole world saying Nine Nine Nine within minutes. But using that for his every answer on the economy wore thin fast, and sounded like someone who is so happy with his answer that he fails to realize it is nothing more than a mantra. His desire to return to the glory days of Alan Greenspan might make sense for a guy who made a pile of money in the 1990s, but turned off most fiscally astute voters (read, lots of Republicans) who were not happy with Greenspan’s reckless and controversial policies. Sure, Cain was entertaining as hell; he even had a few smart answers. But his “bold plan” won’t get through the House, and (contrary to his startling statement) can be overturned. He should listen to Michele Bachmann, who explained why 9-9-9 is poor thinking: once you open the door to low taxes across three streams of revenue, you open the door to Democrats to raise all three over time and make the situations worse. She is absolutely right.

Rick Perry still comes off as the jock who forgot there was an econ test today. His answers are sounding hollow, he still cannot seem to articulate his plan (who goes into a debate saying he expects to have answers in two or three days?), and he seems to be acutely unaware of his collapsing support. And the 1985 yearbook haircut needs to go. Rick Perry will not drop out of the race anytime soon, but his chances were wiped out during the last debate. Plus, he just made an understandable gaffe that the liberals will sing into the ears of undecided voters. Remember, when a Democrat does it, it’s a slip (Obama’s 57 states); when a Republican does it, it’s because he’s stupid (Perry’s American Revolution occurring in the 16th Century).

Newt Gingrich is exactly what and where he was: an annoyed statesman irritated that the media keep asking stupid, trivial, and pop questions. Good answers, but he continues to agree with everybody and compliment the other candidates. Great if you are running for vice president, but pointless if trying to distinguish yourself as a serious presidential contender. This Tortoise and the Hare strategy is not a good one: sure, it worked for Grover Cleveland, but come on.

Michele Bachmann made some excellent points, and did quite well on matters of tax law. But guess what else? (A) She adopted a lot of kids because she cares. (B) She was the only voice crying out against raising the debt ceiling. (C) She was the first to draft legislation to repeal ObamaCare. And not only did she roll out those three tropes again tonight, but we have to realize by now she is going to use them in the next debate as well…and likely, the one after that. Rep. Bachmann sure wants to get elected on her record; alas, she keeps playing a broken one.

Rick Santorum surprised the Czar by not being totally disgusted and outraged by the lunacy around him. Of course, he still became exasperated at everyone else getting a tenth-more second of time, and he seems to live in this strange world in which he is still popular and an essential thinker. But at least he relaxed a little tonight and looked a little less bug-eyed. He said nothing astounding or inspiring tonight, which is bad because he might have actually eked a few points better than Rick Perry if he had. Santorum squandered his best shot at saving his long-shot campaign tonight.

Ron Paul got a little more time, and wasted all of it attacking the Fed. We get it already. His goofy attack on Herman Cain backfired miserably, with Cain correcting Dr. Paul’s facts on Cain, and simultaneously chiding him for listening to his whack-job followers. Of course, Cain did not say that; but by nine tomorrow morning, the Paulanistas will be on Cain like crazy anyway.

Jon Huntsman wants you to know that he loves Utah, which is the best state in the entire union, thinks that the US should give China a good back rub, and that he is a very funny guy even if you refuse to laugh at his jokes. Ironically, he did deliver probably the most devastating attack on the up-and-coming Herman Cain by dismissing the 9-9-9- plan as sounding like a pizza commercial. Every time Cain referenced it later, he did sound like he was offering 9 toppings for 9 small pizzas for only 9 dollars. Huntsman is an insufferable twit, but Romney owes him a debt of thanks for that.

In all, the biggest loser tonight by far was Jake Zweig. What a putz.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.