Hello underlings.

Know what could potentially help your career in a big way? (1) Work for us at the Castle as a minion, in which case you will survive (probably) our eventual world takeover and (possibly) be rewarded with a country or province or two under your boot heel, or (2) Connect with the Czar on Linked In.

The Czar has no idea what this LinkedIn nonsense is, but he is undoubtedly the hippest 13th Century totalitarian psychopath you know, and can do the social media thing with the best of them.

Here is a screen shot of the Czar’s LinkedIn page, so you know who you will be connecting with. Right now, the Czar has 127,348 connections, which is bound to help you out.

Most likely you will need to click on the picture before it will do your bidding and reveal its contents to you. The Czar has days like that too.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.