‘Puter’s been up to his ears in work, which, in this economy, is a wonderful fix in which to find one’s self.
Today, amidst the current office insanity, ‘Puter received from outside counsel a pro se defendant’s pleadings. Pro se defendants are a blessing and a curse. Courts generally cut them wide latitude with regard to rules of civil procedure, filing deadlines and court conduct. However, the cases are usually easily won as the pro se defendant has no clue what he is doing.
Sometimes, pro se defendants can be good for a laugh. Today was one of those days. ‘Puter’s angry, crazy pro se defendant, writing in a motion filing cover letter stated:
If Plaintiff’s Motion for Summary Judgment is not withdrawn within 21 days, this motion will be filed with the court for costs and sanctions as a frivolous motion.
Awesome. Now all ‘Puter has to do is sit back and file his response stating the pro se defendant has admitted his filing is frivilous.
A laughable ending to an insane day.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.