The current recession is nothing compared to the one preordained by our continued debt-funded budgets.
Think about it. What’s the primary cause of our continued Carteresque malaise? Consumer and business deleveraging, resulting from the bursting of an economic bubble. That is, excess funds generated by consumers and businesses are being plowed into paying down debt run up during the frothy good times. In reality, we are seeing the natural consequences of realizing your dream life was just that, a dream.
If this is what it looks like when consumers and businesses have to deal with the consequences of pretending there are no consequences, how is it going to look when governments have to do the same? Decade upon decade of pretending Social Security and Medicare are not Ponzi schemes are going to come to an ugly end, with a likely donnybrook for the ages between the makers and the takers. There will simply be no money left to go around, and no one left who can/will lend us any. We’re going to have to use most or all of our revenues simply to pay back creditors. Or defualt. There’s not going to be anything left for anyone else. It’s going to make our current troubles look like the Postwar Boom.
‘Puter’s yokel-like God-fearing and gun-clinging have prepared, him for the inevitable, though. Aong with his army of Helly Kitty drones. Are you ready?
But that’s not the horrifying thought for the day. Picture Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito getting busy. You’re welcome.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.