It’s a dreary, drizzly, 45 degree Monday. His back hurts, and his dreams were haunted all night by the image of Mrs. ‘Puter stepping out on him. Needless to say, ‘Puter’s in a foul mood, with a full-blown case of incoherent rage in the offing.
Now that you’ve got his fram of mind, here are some of ‘Puter’s offhand observations.
1. America is rapidly becoming Greece. With precious few exceptions, no politician is serious about our unfunded entitlement spending. Hell, Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) spent time this weekend wnadering wround New York’s 26th House District telling all listeners that the mean, nasty Republicans want to change Medicare, while the good Democrats want to keep the program as is.
That’s just great, Chuck. Bash Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), one of the few with an actual plan to keep Medicare functioning, while paring back costs. Medicare’s own trustees say the whole Ponzi scheme is out of money in 2016, and they move the date forward every year. What’s your master plan when the whole thing goes tits up, or are you planning on having retired to a tenured faculty position by then?
It’s apparent to at least this angry blogger that the Democrats have no plan than to blame Republicans and hope the world ends before the sheer scope of their lies becomes apparent to all.
2. Donald Trump gives self-promoting snake oil salesmen a bad name. His most recent presidential run exploratory listening tour, now aborted, is a good example. It’s all about Trump getting his name bandied about in the press for free. It was never about the good of the country. What has Trump done that’s ever been good for anyone other than himself? Sure, he talks a good game, but in the final analysis, he never seems to do a whole lot. What have you got to say for yourself, Captain Hairdo?
3. One of the Republican candidates had better get his act together forthwith. ‘Puter likes Mitt Romney, but he’s never going to get anywhere with RomneyCare hanging around his neck. Mitch Daniels seems great, but his wife may be madder than a march hare. Chris Christie isn’t running (so he claims) and isn’t ready this cycle anyway. Ron Paul earnestly holds his beliefs, but ‘Puter wouldn’t trust him as president of the local PTA, much less president of the entire United States. Sarah Palin is having too much fun making liberals’ heads spin (and making too much money) to run. Michele Bachmann strikes ‘Puter as a bit unhinged. So who’s left? Your guess is as good as ‘Puter’s.
4. Governor Cuomo continues to ignore one of the biggest cost-drivers in New York. Today, Gov. Cuomo proposed a new pension tier, but refused to convert it from a defined benefit plan to a defined contribution plan. This is the only possible way to make the state retirement systems solvent in the long run. To be fair to the governor, he did propose raising the retirment age to 65 from 55, raising vesting from 10 to 12 years and eliminating pension padding with overtime. In the grand scheme, however, if you’re broke, no one gets paid anything, no matter how much you promised them. Better to fix the system now than to have to break promises later.
5. Powerful people, no matter what the arena, feel entitled. Entitled to the point that they view other people as objects for their gratification.
Examples of this are as diverse as IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger (allegedly) and “actor” Charlie Sheen. ‘Puter could list literally hundreds of names here, but these suffice for his purposes.
Once you perceive yourself as better than everyone else, it’s easy to start treating others worse and worse. As you become more accustomed to unmerited adulation and fawning, it’s easy to believe that you are better than everyone else. Others owe you. After all, you’re you, and everyone says you’re the best thing since sauerkraut sundaes (it’s a Castle thing). It’s a quick slide from this point to what the rest of the world politely calls deviant sexual assault. She’s not a woman, she’s a toy for you to pleasure yourself with. And who’s going to believe her anyway?
Enough misanthropy for today. It’s all making ‘Puter a tired. And thirsty.
Now where did Czar leave the growler of Roofies ‘N’ Rum? It’s the TGIF recipe!
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.