The Czar is embarrassed about the post produced by the Mandarin’s non sequitur amplifier, but is delighted to receive so much mail from readers on the slow loris video that attached itself to the post. The Czar was eager to receive from all of you (a) information on its endangered status and cruel treatment by pet farmers as well as (b) so many recipes for it. The Czar did not know that the slow loris features prominently in most Chinese restaurant menus (under the name kung pao), and that its bite is toxic (hence its spicy flavor in kung pao dishes).

Some of you pointed out to us that the slow loris shares many traits in common with little Dat Ho, here in the Castle: a primate, an omnivore, fairly small for what it consumes, unable to read, and (evidently to many of you) cuddly and cute. In order to prevent potential confusion between the two, the Czar has prepared this authoritative table that clarifies the differences between the slow loris and Dat Ho:

	The Slow Loris: – Can climb trees slowly – Does not make much noise – Cleans itself – Does not steal from the Czar – Can live for 20 years or more
	Dat Ho: – Can scamper up things quickly – Pleads and whines incessantly – Is filthy and undisciplined – Steals: quite sure of it – Will be lucky to see 13

We trust there will be no questions.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.