Never Let A Crisis Go To Waste
Not wanting to be left behind in the mad rush to blame everyone and everything for the Tuscon massacre, Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-NY) is preparing to submit legislation to ban high capacity magazines.
Now, one can forgive Rep. McCarthy for being overly-sensitive to gun issues, as her husband was gunned down on the Long Island Railroad in 1993. But here again is an example of Democrats using strife and tragedy as an opportunity to curtail Constitutional rights.
Look, we get it. You don’t like guns. In fact, to indirectly quote ‘Puter’s liberal friend, you’d all be happy to live in a country where the only people who have guns are the government. Because, you know, the government can always be trusted. And you’re willing to take away your fellow citizens’ rights because, frankly, you don’t much care for that specific right.
What happened to the days where liberals used to rally for extending rights? To hear liberals tell it, they were single-handedly responsible for, among other things: ending slavery, women’s voting, desegregation and “peace” in Vietnam. And there is some truth in that. But that was then and this is now.
Why now the liberal shift to taking away rights? What has changed in the composition of the liberal body politic? Or is it only that liberals support taking away rights with which they disagree, and the ends justify the means?
To ask the question is to answer it.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.