Where on earth do you go with this one?

Let us see if we understand what happened.

Harvey decides to sell his riding lawnmower.

Two drunk guys, Troy and James, show up and offer to pay Harvey $250.

Harvey asks if they’re certain about the terms of the sale, because the thing is probably only worth twenty bucks, tops.

Naturally, as any of us might do, Troy and James go berserk and put a knife to the throat of Harvey’s brother. Harvey, understandably, asks if perhaps there might be a happier conclusion to all this, having gotten used to his brother and all, and Troy and James agree that Harvey’s brother can live.

Provided Harvey eats his own beard.

Evidently, they cut off his beard and forced him to ingest it.

A deal is a deal, so having finished his beard, Harvey was pleased to see his brother released unharmed. Troy and James, however, found themselves arrested.

This is exactly what happens when you let a little bit of Sharia law in.

Exactly.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.