The Czar was alarmed this morning when he had great difficulty walking downstairs to breakfast at his dacha in Muscovy. Was something broken? A neurological problem? He mentioned in passing to the Царица with some hesitation, because she tends to get upset over these things.
Good thing we did mention it. Silly, she said. The reason youre having difficulty walking is right there. Did you even look? Sheepishly, we glanced down to discover that the Czar had, sometime during the night apparently, rammed his entire foot and lower leg down Harry Reids mouth.
That explains the colorful dream we had, too.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.