President Bush (41) nominated Clarence Thomas to a position as Associate Justice on the Supreme Court. Liberals were outraged because Justice Thomas was: (a) Black; (b) conservative; (d) married to a white woman (Race traitor!); and (d) replacing liberal icon and civil rights hero Thurgood Marshall (for whom Justice Sotomayor clerked, but that’s a tale for another day). All good liberals knew in their bleeding hearts that a Black man just couldn’t be conservative, so they set out to destroy him in the Senate confirmation hearings.
And what a three ring circus the hearings were
, complete with clowns of every stripe. The head clown was now Vice-President Joe Biden. Late in the hearings, an unnamed government employee leaked to NPR plagiarist Nina Totenberg
a confidential memorandum alleging that Justice Thomas sexually harassed Professor Hill while he was her boss at the EEOC. Ah, ‘Puter recalls the glee in Ms. Totenberg’s voice as she and her allies in the Leftie media smeared Justice Thomas with Professor Hill’s unsupported and confidential allegations.
‘Puter listened to much of the Senate confirmation hearings on NPR, as he had no television. (‘Puter’s listening was interrupted once by the shooting death of a man in the street in front of his apartment at 4:00 in the afternoon. Seriously.). ‘Puter recalls thinking at the time that a man was being smeared with no regard for proof because his very existence offended his liberal Torquemadas. In hindsight, ‘Puter now thinks the Democrats and media’s abhorrent behavior in the Thomas hearings was a significant catalyst (unrecognized to date) in the Republicans’ 1994 shocking landslide victory.
Now that we have our history lesson out of the way, we can move on to ‘Puter’s thoughts on Mrs. Thomas’ call to Professor Hill.
1. Mrs. Thomas is stupid for resurrecting a divisive issue, even in private, after nearly 20 years. What possible good could come of the call? Did she honestly expect Professor Hill to recant? Seriously?
2. Never, ever leave a voice mail or take a picture of information or events that you do not want public. ‘Puter has not yet lived down the unfortunate incident in which he inadvertently discharged Mandarin’s pocket Tesla coil inside the Leaping Peacock. Czar helpfully filmed the entire episode using GorT’s on board 1 googlebyte holographic recorder. ‘Puter still has not lived the incident down.
3. Mrs. Thomas seems increasingly erratic in her behavior of late.
4. Professor Hill seems nothing more than a pitiable publicity hound for releasing the contents of a private phone call. What possible good, other than self-aggrandizement, could come of her acts?
5. Professor Hill’s irresponsible behavior in releasing the phone call damages her credibility. It lends credence to the widely held belief that she fabricated her charge against Justice Thomas in the first instance.
6. What is the possible news value of this? Does anyone really think Professor Hill is ever going to apologize for her sexual harassment allegations, assuming the allegations were falsely made? To do so would destroy her career. Does anyone really believe Mrs. Thomas thought or thinks that her husband sexually harassed Professor Hill? This is an irrelevant sideshow.
‘Puter’s theory is that the media chooses to resurrect this issue, 20 years after the fact, to remind themselves and other liberals of the zenith of their power. It is an attempt to distract liberals from the fiasco they have recently created, the electorate’s wholesale rejection of liberalism and their looming electoral thumping.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.