‘Puter is a denizen of Upstate New York, and this year, upstart Tea Party/Republican candidate Carl Paladino is on the ballot. Mr. Paladino rose to stardom based primarily on his sharp invective and anger directed at New York’s entrenched political class, whom he (correctly) blames for New York’s plummeting fortunes.
The shrinking violets at the New York Times are appalled that a candidate would dare challenge Albany, much less get in the face of a political reporter responsible for stalking his 10 year old illegitimate daughter. He’s just so angry. It just isn’t done.
As a New Yorker, who voted for Mr. Paladino in the Republican primary, allow ‘Puter a few moments to take on the media perception of Carl Paladino.
1. ‘Puter blames New York’s Republican power brokers for Mr. Paladino’s rise. New York’s Republican party is every bit as bad as its Democratic party. It is in the thrall of entrenched special interests, and has proven itself every bit as willing to whore itself out to public sector unions as the Democrats. This year, the Republicans nominated a milquetoast sacrificial lamb to run against the seemingly unstoppable Andrew Cuomo. This angered rank and file Republicans for two reasons: (1) Republicans actually had a shot at the governorship in this anti-establishment climate and (2) conceding the election to Mr. Cuomo is indicative of the establishment’s lust for maintaining the status quo at all costs. Enter Mr. Paladino who was unafraid to speak plainly and without political correctness, firing angry broadsides at establishment New York politicians. Mr. Paladino is the reflection of many “normal” Republicans’ frustration with Albany and its culture of corruption. The normal channels have not worked. All that is left is anger and “throw the bums out” voting. Mr. Paladino wisely recognized the mood of the electorate early and latched on. Mr. Paladino beat Mr. Lazio (the Republican milquetoast) by a two-to-one margin.
2. Mr. Paladino’s anger at Albany is justified. The establishment exists to perpetuate and to enrich itself. Mr. Cuomo is emblematic of this self interest. Sure, Mr. Cuomo talks a good game, but he doesn’t mean it. As New York’s attorney general, he has attacked businesses, worsening the business climate in the state. As Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, he presided over and implemented the underwriting standards amendments that led directly to the housing market meltdown. Mr. Cuomo’s solution to the property tax crisis is to implement a tax cap. Except that’s not really true. You see, Mr. Cuomo’s tax cap will have a so-called circuit breaker, whereby high income people pay more, and the “poor” and “elderly” pay significantly less, even where they own similarly valued property. Mr. Cuomo is more of the same, and the electorate knows it.
3. New Yorkers don’t blame Mr. Paladino for being angry, they blame the political and media establishment for not being angry enough. Or for being angry at the wrong things. Mr. Paladino has identified the cause of New York’s myriad problems (entrenched special interests), and has charged headlong at it. Is he reckless at times? Yes. Is he politically incorrect? Sure. But what the electorate realizes is that he is the only candidate who has identified the real issues facing New York. Thus, many voters, like ‘Puter, figure why not give him a chance? Voting for Mr. Cuomo is to vote for more of the same. And that’s not going to work any more.
4. Would ‘Puter prefer a different candidate? Sure. But the Republicans didn’t nominate good candidate, and the Democrats voted for the status quo. Voting for Mr. Paladino is a rational response.
Maybe the NYT reporter would have done well to remember the old adage “if you’re not angry, you haven’t been paying attention.”
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.