Fabulous!
The Washington Post reports this morning that President Obama has quietly been chipping away at federal regulations that treat homosexuals differently. For example:
Gay partners of federal workers will now receive long-term health insurance, access to day care and other benefits. Federal Housing Authority loans can no longer consider the sexual orientation of applicants. The Census Bureau plans to report the number of people who report being in a same-sex relationship. Hospitals must allow gays to visit their ill partners. And federal child-care subsidies can be used by the children of same-sex domestic partners.
Good for President Obama. And good for him to figure out how to do so without fueling needless sanctimony and debate.
‘Puter thinks these changes are for the better. There is no rational basis to discriminate against homosexuals in these areas. This is not to say ‘Puter supports gay marriage, or that the issue of gays in the military is anything close to settled (even among your Gormogons). But these day-to-day domestic matters are different. It is important for our society to strive to treat all citizens as equally as is feasible. It’s the basis of our societal coherence. Lose that, and you lose the battle.
Anyway, that’s ‘Puter’s two cents.
Oh, and what’s a Washington Post “news” article without a gratuitous slam at President George W. Bush? Here’s the crafty reporter letting you know that President Bush was single-handedly responsible for BP/Obama Oilgate 2010: Revenge of the Hydrocarbons:
Obama’s orders have relied largely on authority the president has to reshape the federal government, much in the way that George W. Bush used the levers of the federal bureaucracy to relax government restrictions on oil and gas exploration on federally protected land.
Get it? Bush hates gays and likes oil covered pelicans, whereas the Czar hates pelicans and likes oil covered gays.
Classy, guys.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.