The New York Times, along with most every other mainstream mediate outlet, rightly sings the praises of law enforcement and intelligence agencies in quickly capturing Faisal Shazad, the would-be Times Square bomber. ‘Puter seconds the accolades.
However, in many ways, this article misses the point. Isn’t the real question how did a suspected Pakistani terrorist (since 2004) manage to build and plant a bomb in Times Square in the first instance? Sure, catching the terrorist after the fact is great, but shouldn’t we be striving to arrest or disappear these sorts before they plant bombs? Further, if we suspected Mr. Shahzad of terrorist related activities of any sort in 2004, how the %$#@ did we ever think it was a good idea to grant him citizenship in 2009? Prevention is always better than cleanup.
‘Puter’s guessing the uncomfortable truth is that the media doesn’t want to paint the Obama Administration in a bad light by pointing out its expansion of drone strikes inside Pakistan is the wannabe bomber’s cited reason for the attempt. If it was “ALLBUSHITLER”SFAULT!!1!one!,” the stories would have already been written.
‘Puter is certain that this these are exactly the questions law enforcement and intelligence agencies are asking themselves in the debriefing following this incident. But is it too much to expect our press to ask the same questions, of both our law enforcement agencies and our representatives?
Again, perhaps we should just swap media with Britain. They do a better job under tougher libel laws.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.