Toyota Priuses evidently do not have a neutral gear to throw it into if the accelerator should stick. That’s what the Czar would do, if he were ever in one when the accelerator stuck. But the Czar has never been in a Prius, although he did accidently step on one once in a parking lot.

A Prius near San Diego apparently had its accelerator stick, bringing the car up to 90 mph before California Highway Patrol (or CHiPs) got involved. The driver, who evidently had no idea to put the car into neutral and hit the brakes, needed assistance. The CHP officer on the scene, who must have booked incredibly fast to catch a guy going 90, hollered at the driver to hit the emergency brake while applying the regular brakes, and then turn the car off.

Incredibly, the loss of steering and power-assisted braking did not spin the car wildly out of control. Against odds, the car actually slowed to a halt. By the way, if you should find yourself in a wildly accelerating Prius, do not kill the engine unless you want to lose control of your vehicle. Throw the thing into neutral, ignore the incredible noise as your engine revs, and then use the brake to come to a stop.

In Chicago, the driver would have been ticketed for using a cell phone while driving.

In better news, after hearing about this story, Toyota announced they now have a fix for their accelerator problem. Just hit the emergency brake and turn the car off. Problem fixed!

Chairman Toyoda, when asked about the concerns over his cars’ safety, said “They’re all just being wusses about it.”

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.