Gormogon operative FJR writes in from her very unusual field project (it is difficult, one admits, to construct a massive radio telescope below a Puerto Rican lake, but it turns out to be a great place to hide a massive transmitter):

The current health care rouse has been very disturbing for this operative and I have been unable to put my finger on why this particular topic has caused me more stress than usual. I think the idea that Congress is moving us farther down the path of stripping our individual rights and replacing them with the collective rights is what is so disconcerting. Government divides us into interest groups and pits these groups against each other for the sake of their own power. As we concede our individual rights we become the land of entitlements as opposed to the land of opportunity.

In 2000 when I completed my census form I mark the question concerning race as other and wrote in “human.” This was my small act of defiance from the Government placing me in a group. I recently heard there was a movement afoot to mark race as “American” on the 2010 census. I just received my census form and I am once again establishing my little beachhead of defiance by marking race as “American”.

I’m interested in how residents at the castle will handle the census.

Respectfully,
FJR

Wow. What a great question. The Czar decided to walk around the Castle until he found each of the four main residents. Which turned out to be pretty freaking easy, because they were all in the Rumpus Room, at the pinball machine, arguing whether ‘Puter’s definition of tilt was a little too relativistic.

And so, it turns out, we will each and all gladly participate in anything so ordained by the Constitution itself. As for the primary answer, here is what each of us put:

	The Volgi: I am of all races, of all peoples, of all times. I am known by the Dravidian, the Etruscan, and the Dacian. I have walked with the Aramaeans, the Huns, the Incans, and Ugarit. The Thracians, the Toltec, and the ancient Rigvedic people all know me. I also spent a lot of time in Germany in the 1980s. And I already have names in tongues yet to be uttered. I am as far beyond counting as your mind can conceive, and yet I have been to St. Louis. Also am immortal, but that’s more of an attribute than a race.
	Ghettoputer: Nine. I like dogs, and the sound of church bells in the distance. I like the spray of mist on a spring morning when it hangs in the air like a trapped cloud, the excited mewing of kittens opening their eyes for the first, the taste of a good beer in a frozen pint jar, and the sight of foamy blood hitting the walls at an upward angle. But put the line through the Q, or people will mistake it for an O, and then it’s bad ‘Puter. Bad bad bad ‘Puter. I can hear the screams, but if you pretend it’s like a kind of music, you can smile through it. My house plants are trying to kill me. I will so make Sleestak pay for that insolence.
	GorTechie: 42 45 47 49 4e 20 45 4e 47 4c 20 28 32 31 53 54 20 43 45 4e 20 55 53 20 4d 49 44 20 41 54 4c 20 44 49 41 4c 45 43 54 29 0d 0a 0d 0a I am a bipedal, partially anthropomorphic cybernetic enhanced human construct made of polyfluidic KL5 metal plastic alloys; primary armament consists of particle beam optical weapon; secondary weapons consist of multi-function grappling claws, kinetic kill projectiles, and low-yield nuclear explosives. There is no limit to what I can do. Brain processing functions include over 145 implanted enhancements including linguistic translation, n-dimensional computation and navigation, and the ability to memorize up to ten digits without writing them down first. I am fascinated by rope and am interested in learning to make my own cordage out of materials gathered in the woods. I also am equipped with a semi-colloidal electromagnetic shielding system, but avoid using it because it resets the microwave clocks to noon. 45 4e 44 20 58 4c 41 54 45 3b 20 52 54 4e 20 54 4f 20 52 4f 4f 54 20 50 52 4f 43 45 53 53 0d 0a
	The Mandarin: I am the Mandarin; on this there can be no debate. Your pitiful racial and cultural divisions are meaningless to me. I could take any of your so-called nations and pull it out from the ground and slam it into another if I so choose. I enjoy watching high school volleyball games, especially when the children take it seriously; the college stuff annoys me with those ridiculous delays caused by hugging after each play. It interrupts the momentum of the game. Were I to desire, I could cause a mountain range to erupt amid one of your precious cities, or I could flood your heartland with a salty ocean. All these things are possible to me. I am of whatever race shall be required to make the music industry admit there was entirely too much emphasis on Lady Gaga during the Grammies.
	The Czar: Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. Same thing we put down every year. And the Czar rages to learn that there is no tax-break for adopting a dog from a charity group, as we “received something of like value in return.” Maury Klesmerstein, CPA, thy head shall split upon my pike next season.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.