Dems Play Janus
But only to the extent Janus is the two-faced god. What’s got ‘Puter fired up now? Well, ‘Puter was watching the talking heads on MSNBC (we watch so you don’t have to) bash the insurance companies while lauding the coming utopia of ObamaCare.
‘Puter got to thinking. The Democrats’ unspoken core argument on health care is: Giant, bureacratic insurance companies who ration treatment and claim to know what’s best for you have so monstrously screwed up the health care system that the only way to fix the mess is to turn the entire health care system over to the giant, bureaucratic federal government who will ration treatment and will claim to know what’s best for you.
The argument’s exactly the same for financial regulation, TARP, etc., but that’s for another post.
How about we try this. Instead of substituting on behemoth in for another, let’s devolve decisionmaking and payment to the lowest level – the individual.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.