Who knew people were interested in social security reform, much less the nefarious Gormogon operative Dr. J. He makes a point ‘Puter had meant to make, but in his bleary-eyed haze, forgot to do so. Dr. J. writes:
Loved your article. [N.B., sucking up gets you published – ‘Puter]. Someone has to suck it up to break the cycle. It might as well be us GenXers as we never expected to get Social Security anyway.
By the way, let me also say that I have always resented the SSI business model. It is nothing more than a pyramid scheme.
Bernie Madoff and others went to jail for doing it and it’s called a Ponzi scheme. Uncle Sam does it and it’s called Social Security (how ironic).
Nate Kurtzman (Liberty Heights) runs numbers, he goes to jail.
The state or municipality does it and it’s called ‘the lottery.’
Exactly right, Dr. J. The government arrogates to itself the ability to perform acts that if you and ‘Puter did, we’d be jailed.
Remember the following, boys and girls, when we’re discussing health care, social security, welfare or any other government run program. Conservatives broadly speaking believe that freedom is man’s possession of right, whether as a gift from God or inherently. Liberals believe that freedom is bestowed on man by government.
And that, my friends, is the rub, and why on so many issues today, there can be no compromise.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.