‘Puter heard an interesting twist on poverty this weekend, one which he had not considered before. And it came from an unlikely, very liberal acquaintaince.

Poverty, as ‘Puter always thought of it, is “the state of one who lacks a usual or socially acceptable amount of money or material possessions.” ‘Puter’s colleague posits that poverty is better defined as a state of dependence on others. Stating poverty equals dependence is defining through effect. That is, poverty may be properly described as the lack of money, possessions or services, but we know poverty better through its effect: dependence.

Viewing poverty as dependence provides conservatives and libertarians a useful tool. After all, what entity creates more dependence and dependents than government at all levels? Take for example ObamaCare in all its incarnations, as E.J. Dionne does in this typically insipid, thoughtless and toadying opinion piece.

Mr. Dionne states that ObamaCare’s new, multi-trillion dollar entitlement program is the best thing since Sanrio started the Cult of Hello Kitty. It’s just that Gamma and Delta Americans are too stupid to understand that freedom is slavery.* People should be excited about ObamaCare, because they’re going to get all kinds of free stuff from the government. Where Mr. Dionne sees M&M crapping unicorns and rainbows, ‘Puter sees state-enforced poverty.

For example, Mr. Dionne thinks it’s fantastic that ObamaCare will require insurance companies to cover kids of policy holders until the “kids” are 26 years old. At 26 years old, one should have a job, or be shamed into begging for benefits. Giving unproductive people expensive goods and services for merely existing is moral hazard. Why work to take care of one’s self, when the government will do it for you? Poverty.

Mr. Dionne also cites Rep. George Miller (D-CA), chairman of the House Education and Labor Committee with approval:

Miller focuses on how much a guarantee of health insurance will lift needless anxiety from the average family. “Right now, when you lose your job, you also lose your health care, your ability to send your kid to college and sometimes your home,” he says. Knowing that health coverage will always be there doesn’t solve all those problems, but it removes a burden.

Under Messrs. Miller and Dionne’s plan, ObamaCare is simply a first step in making Americans totally dependent on their government masters. Sure, it’s much better when government gives you “free” health care and makes all your medical decisions for you. Just think of how much better it will be when the government guarantees you income and a house as well, nevermind that you’ll be making minimum wage and living in Detroit. Messrs. Miller and Dionne envision just such a day. Where the Terrible Two see Nirvana, ‘Puter sees Gehenna. ObamaCare is a guaranteed path to dependence, which is poverty.

Mr. Dionne closes with the thought that “[f]rom now on, [Congress is] not simply enacting a bill. They are rolling out a product.” ‘Puter must agree with Mr. Dionne. And the product Congress is rolling out is government mandated poverty.

*Please, don’t write to tell ‘Puter he’s a moron for mixing Huxley and Orwell. It’s intentional. Both the moron-ness and the author-mixing.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.