For those who trust the government to benevolently watch over you, protecting your privacy and self-determination in health care and other matters, ‘Puter offers the following in rebuttal.
A New Hampshire court ordered a girl to attend public school despite an on the record finding that her homeschooling has “more than kept up with the academic requirements of the [local] school system.” The problem is that the girl’s mother is devoutly Christian, and the court (and the divorced father*) think the girl is failing to consider other viewpoints.
In ‘Puter’s humble opinion, the state is without authority to force a child, otherwise adequately educated, into the state run public school system. Americans are free to opt out, so long as the child’s education does not suffer. The father’s argument, supported by the guardian ad litem, seems to be “she’s doing fine academically, participates in lots of after-school activities, but she sure could use some exposure to non-Christian ideas.” What’s the basis for usurping the parent with primary custody’s authority here? ‘Puter can think of none. ‘Puter will try to dig out the case and do a more thorough review, but upon initially review, this decision stinks to high heaven.
Afterthought: ‘Puter awaits the State of New Hampshire to require all Mennonites and Amish living within its jurisdiction to send their children to public schools. The court’s reasoning requires it.
*For the record, ‘Puter is always amused when self-professed fundamentalist Christians are divorced, because as Christ himself said, “[w]hat therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10:9.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.