Epic Fail, Parts I and II
First, President Obama’s budget plan to deficit spend our way to prosperity ran into a bit of a problem today. The Brits couldn’t find buyers for its entire bond offering this morning. Then this afternoon, a Fed bond auction attracted unexpectedly weak demand. In a nutshell, this means that the United States is going to have to offer more attractive interest rates on its bonds to attract buyers. And since President Obama’s budget is heavy on the borrowing, it will cost significantly more to finance, causing an increase in out year deficits. ‘Puter can’t wait to see the revised CBO impact projections.
Second, apparently Secretary Geithner, the brains behind President Obama’s economic rescue plan (and deeply involved in President Bush’s as well), almost single-handedly cratered the Indonesian economy during the Asian Crisis in the late 1990s.
This does not bode well for the future.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.