The Techie has been a bit busy as of late but I was able to come up for air here briefly to take a sidestep on the type of posts recently. I’d like to do a little Miss Manners bit and talk about a few etiquette rules that I think, if more people considered, we would all be a bit happier.

First, we live in America, not the U.K., so we drive on the right. Correspondingly, we should walk on the right and, if needed, pass someone walking slower on the left. It is maddening to me to walk in a mall with hoi polloi* who are daydreaming, window-shopping and/or texting while walking (or trying to walk) about. Invariably, these folk are in the middle of the common walk area and causing the rest of us adhering to proper Mall Navigation Skills to slow in a frenzied mob behind them as we try to circumnavigate the offender. This only causes more chaos as any opening, left or right, will now suffice to pass this spacecadet. A quick summary of proper Mall Navigation Skills:

1. Walk on the right with oncoming pedestrians passing you on the left. This is natural as you’ll see escalators organized this way, for example.
2. If you need to text someone, have an engaging cell phone call, admire the latest ‘Puter Thong line at Victoria’s Secret or zone out on some kid playing “Call of Duty 5000” in the windows – PULL OVER. Gently step to the right, closer to the windows and do so. If the shiny object that has caught your attention is on your left, wait for a break in oncoming traffic, cross through the pathway of the oncomers, and step close to the window or wall.
3. Be courteous: allow people to exit first, holding the doors for them, if needed. It makes little sense to try to cram yourself into a place where people are trying to leave. Allow people to fully leave the elevator before boarding it. Placing your hand over the doorway is generally sufficient to stop the doors from closing and your precious ride from escaping. Relax.

In the end, it is little different than driving a car. Speaking of, let me air one more pet peeve. For those in or familiar with the Washington, D.C. metro area, there is a bridge (we need more) across the Potomac river called the American Legion bridge. I cross this every day to and from work (unless traffic or other plans divert me). On the way from Virginia into Maryland, there is a on-ramp that merges over a long distance with the rightmost travel lane. The merge lane is clearly denoted with the small dotted lane lines which should indicate those awake that the lane is ending, you nee dto merge. At least twice a week, I witness inconsiderate drivers who whip over to the right into this merge lane from the travel lanes doing at or above the speed limit, and pass on the right only to have “hopped” past the one car. It’s not that the traffic was slowed or that there was any other problem, the driver was just being a jackass. And if I see you doing this, beware the twin cannons mounted in my headlights.

* – for those wishing to bash my english, hoi means “the” in Greek, therefore, saying “the hoi polloi” as is frequently done, is equivalent to saying “the the many” .

GorT

GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.