Apparently, now you can be too fat to die, no matter what you’ve done. Thank goodness. Now Azrael, the angel of death, won’t have to come and harvest Ghettoputer’s corpulent self too soon. I’ve got too many good years of shoveling in Buffalo Bills themed ice cream and garbage plates (read the description — maybe the best bad for you food on the planet) before my cholesterol clogged arteries stop my heart.
Mr. Cooey, pictured here, has argued to our gifted judicial betters that his manly girth should prevent the Rust Belt State of Ohio (f/k/a the Connecticut Western Reserve) from putting him to death. Leaving aside for the moment his claim that he’s too fat to die, the gentle reader may be left asking what, in fact, did Mr. Cooey do that would lead the people of the Rust Belt State of Ohio to insist on his death.
Mr Cooey, a gentleman if ever there was one, was convicted by a jury of the fine citizens of the Rust Belt State of Ohio “for raping and murdering two female University of Akron students in 1986,” according to the good folks Mr. Rupert Murdoch employs at the U.S Branch Of NewsCorp, Fox News.
So, to get Mr. Cooey’s argument straight, the state shouldn’t deprive Mr. Cooey of his life because he’s too fat, regardless of his heinous crimes. But, Mr. Cooey can deprive two co-eds of their lives and their sexual congress without consent without commensurate penalty? Ghettoputer thinks not. For some crimes, Ghettoputer sympathizes with the State, despite Ghettoputer’s intense hatred and distrust of the death penalty generally.
Mr. Cooey should thank his lucky stars that Ghettoputer sits not on the Supreme Court of fine Rust Belt State of Ohio. Ghettoputer, presented with similar facts, should rule that indeed lethal injection is inappropriate in this instance, and that perhaps in lieu of lethal injection, the parents of Mr. Cooey’s victims should cover him in honey and bury him in an anthill until such time as Mr. Cooey succumbs to the natural process of death. From ant bites. Or dehydration. Or savage beatings about the head from the locals. Whatever.
Ghettoputer would pray that neither The Lord, nor His messenger Azrael, nor the fine citizens of the Rust Belt State of Ohio (nor the ants) should take Mr. Cooey too quickly.
And don’t forget Ahmadî-Nezhâd’s blog. Do check out the awesome “e-mails to Ahmadinejad” column at right. Some awesomely bootlicking e-mails of support to the Prez. Though, bless their hearts, they let through comments like Jack Meyhoffer’s rather blunt, “I hope someone puts a bullet in your head very soon.” Extremely entertaining.
Man, I think we may have to run a contest or something for blog posts from from famous dictators of history or something.
Interesting op-ed in the WSJ today from a former UNSCOM bio-weapons guy arguing essentially that the anthrax in the attacks was weaponized in such a sophisticated fashion it’s unlikely Ivins—or any individual—could have produced it. Which leaves state sponsorship (or sub-state, if al-Qâ’ida or the like was willing to spend millions on research and equipment). I know Iraq was looked at pretty hard in this context, but if there was this kind of innovative weaponization involved, the obvious culprit is the Russians, or perhaps the Chinese. But talk about motive-less crimes. Perhaps (the fairly obvious step of) closely looking at individuals formerly associated the downsized Soviet lab Biopreparat—which was the world’s most sophisticated producer of weaponized anthrax, if I’m remembering right—will reveal that someone walked out with a baggie of death dust. (And yeah, the Volgi knows there are conspiracy theories revolving around Qanatjan Älibekov/Ken Alibek’s involvement. Don’t bother mailing.)
In general, I think the nuttiness of the Islamic Republic is overstated—they generally comport themselves like most rational state actors. However, their rationality has led them to believe that aggression, particularly through proxy terrorism, is rewarding. Consequently, they’re one of the more destabilizing forces in the region. And having the relative feeling of invulnerability that nukes provide isn’t going to make them any more demure. And of course, Ayatollâh Rafsanjânî once said
If a day comes when the world of Islam is duly equipped with the arms Israel has in possession, the strategy of colonialism would face a stalemate because application of an atomic bomb would not leave any thing in Israel but the same thing would just produce damages in the Muslim world. [Tehran, Friday sermon, 14 December 2001]
Of course “the world of Islam” has had nukes for some time in the state of Pakistan without much problems for Israel (though not insignificant ones for India), but given that ideologically, the Islamic Republic is the vanguard of a pan-Islamic state, its leaders might believe that nuking Israel, whatever the price, is a “win” in their book, and whatever “damages” they take to be rationally justifiable costs.
St. Norbert the Peacemaker, ora pro nobis.
During my usual course of perusing various websites, I came across this story on Slashdot. I find it humorous on a number of levels: First, COBOL…seriously. Second, they only started to try to revamp the system 10 years ago (that’s 1998) when a number of “newer” programming languages were more viable 10 years before that. Third, they couldn’t migrate the payroll data into a modern payroll system that most companies, many municipalities, etc. use? Fourth, and totally non-technical, I applaud the Governator for doing this when the state can’t pass a budget. Fiscal reform NOW! Congress, states, etc. shouldn’t be blowing budgets when the American people can’t blow their own…oh, wait, apparently they can and we’ll just bail them out. Ok, note to self: GorT-land’s Constitution to prohibit fiscal irresponsibility.. The state controller described the state’s payroll system as “a computing relic on par with vacuum tubes and floppy disks”.
Amanda Peet is my new favorite actor, and for reasons other than the ones showcased in her photo. Since I generally detest actors, it’s really not that much of an achievement to make the list. However, Ms. Peet’s refreshing candor on the vacuity of Hollywood’s denizens and their mind-boggling stupid pronouncements earns full marks.
“It seems that the media is often giving celebrities and actors more authority on this issue than they are giving the experts,” Peet said. “I know it’s a paradox, but that’s part of why I wanted to become a spokesperson, to say to people, ‘Please don’t listen to me. Don’t listen to actors. Go to the experts.'”