Sometimes it’s nice to sit and ponder things on a quiet, snowy Upstate morning. Today is not one of those days. ‘Puter knew it was going to snow, and snow a lot overnight. ‘Puter determined to get up early, exercise, snowblow his driveway, and leave for work 30 minutes early. And so ‘Puter did.
‘Puter got to work to find a text transmitted en route informing him the office was closed until 11:00 AM. Suck it, world.
‘Puter will be departing the office four hours early today as a result. Well, probably not. ‘Puter’s boss, the company president, will schedule a meeting for 4:00 PM because it’s Friday and that’s how he rolls.
‘Puter’s pretty fired up as a result, so he thought he’d drop a few lines on the site. One must comply with Meaux’s Order for the Preservation of Gormogon Awesome-osity.
Here are some words requiring more frequent use: Huzzah! Archaeopteryx. Homonculus. Dildo. Warpig. Jank. Sure, forty percent of the aforementioned words are made up, but that doesn’t matter. Do it for the children.
Old people should be banned from driving during morning and evening rush hours. You’re retired. Stay off the damned roads so the rest of us can get to work. Someone needs to slave to pay your Social Security which is broke and which we won’t get. You sure as Hell didn’t. You’re sucking more out than you ever put in. And say thank you once in a while, Meemaw.
America shouldn’t listen to children about anything. The last time America listened to kids was the 1960s, and look how the 1970s turned out.
We should raise the legal age for everything to 30 unless you’re living on your own, paying taxes, and fully self-supporting.
Thinking about it, if you’re living off the taxpayer, you shouldn’t get a say in government spending. You should get representation, but taxpayers should get to approve any federal budget in an up or down vote. Not you, 16 year old gun grabber. Not you, Meemaw who faked a disability then retired at 62 and is now 80. Not you, public school teachers and other government employees. If the government treats you as its child, you get the vote of a child.
Someone should start a charity that does nothing but purchase guns for abuse victims. The charity would train recipients to use them properly. Call it Planned Personhood maybe. Or Hugs for Handguns.
People shouldn’t be so hung up on looks. As we get older, we realize we all get dumpier, even the ones of us who remain objectively hawt. Be a good person. That goes a long way and doesn’t fade with age.
Shoveling snow is a young man’s job. Thank God for snowblowers. Also, why did Frosty the Snowman run out into the street? He heard a snowblower was coming.
‘Puter watched Guardians of the Galaxy 2 last night. ‘Puter has no idea why Sylvester Stallone was in that movie.
That’s pretty much it. ‘Puter’s got more to say. Way more, in fact. ‘Puter just doesn’t want to ruin this post with rants on gun control, or abortion, or banking law, or overregulation, or how both parties now completely suck on rule of law and basic constitutional concepts.