Trump and the Republicans are going to hunt down and kill every last LGBTQ person, woman, and melanin enhanced person because Trump is the literal equivalent of Hitler and the Republicans are the indubitable modern day SS.

The currently sitting liberal Democrat president magically acquires super-Senate-bypass powers when a liberal Democrat replacement candidate loses a presidential election, enabling him to install by fiat a Supreme Court justice for life acceptable to prevailing Progressive policy preferences. This policy does not apply should a Republican be the lame duck president because reasons and STFU.

The Electoral College is a Constitutional relic used to cram down the will of racist bastards in flyover country on the morally pure coastal elites and not a bargain made by the Founders to prevent a tyranny of the majority screwing over low population states as I learned in law school. We should scrap the Electoral College because it didn’t produce the result all right-thinking people expected, plus the Founders were stupid, racist white guys, amirite?

Media has a legal and Constitutional right to be present wherever the president is at any moment, including a family dinner at a Manhattan steakhouse and probably the crapper, too, because someone’s got to keep an eye on Republican bigots, never mind that media phoned it in the past eight years and only rediscovered their collective curiosity early last Wednesday morning.

Republicans have a moral and legal obligation to restore Senate rules Democrats destroyed in order to pass Obamacare and avoid a filibuster on our current president’s judicial nominees. It’s totes wrong when Republicans do it, and STFU about the Democrats doing it in the first place.

A new president has no authority to cancel executive orders of a prior president, unless the prior was president was a Republican. Also, a non-Democrat president has no authority to use a “pen and a phone” whatsoever, because racist or something.

Marching and rioting to protest a lawfully elected president is patriotic when Democrats do it. And Republicans totally would’ve done it if Clinton was elected, even though clearly racist Republicans didn’t when our current president was elected in 2008 and again in 2012.

People who threaten to leave the country if Trump was elected didn’t really mean it and won’t follow through on their threat. I still see Lena Dunham and a host of others sitting around.

Texas talking about secession is casus belli, but California talking about secession is fine because Trump and STFU, RethugliKKKan!

Bernie would’ve won, and Democrats have no one to blame but their party leaders and the DNC which surreptitiously torpedoed his campaign.

Michael Moore called this election exactly right, identifying the Clinton campaign’s condescension towards Rust Belt voters who haven’t seen any of the current “recovery” as the primary reason for her loss.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that rule of law and our Constitution are to be jettisoned the moment they become inconvenient to the wishes of America’s liberal elites.

I’ve held my tongue for over a week now. I didn’t vote for Trump. I didn’t vote for Clinton. I didn’t have a dog in the presidential fight. But the collective unhinging of many Americans at Trump’s election has been repulsive and contrary to American values.

You can disagree with me. I fully expect many if not most of my friends on here will. But I’ve listened to you for week now, respectfully, even when I strongly disagreed with you.

And here’s a piece of free advice for you. Maybe next election, spend less time crapping all over people with whom you disagree, especially if you’ve never left the smug, self-reinforcing confines of Boston, New York City, or DC. You would rightly be irate if folks in rural Iowa or Missouri spent days crapping on you as baby murdering hedonists because Hillary Clinton won. Show a little class and respect.

Because we’re all in this together, like it or not.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.