Two schools of thought approach the Stars and Bars—the ongoing display of the Confederate Flag—and both are wrong.

• The flag is vile, racist, and a symbol of hatred. This of course denies all of its historical implications and traditions, and shows the person to be of particularly shallow thought.
• The flag is noble expression in the reaffirmation of states’ rights, and has a long tradition of opposing government overreach. This of course is utterly insensitive and dumb.

The Czar isn’t even going to address the first point in much detail, because the screaming noise from the Left—who fail to realize their pet party, the Democrats, invented the freaking thing in the first place and used it in their marketing as recently as 1992—is making everybody totally well aware of how offensive it is, and so forth.

But let’s face it: when the average person—defined as someone who loves their country and expects it to do better—sees a Confederate Flag hanging from a house, pasted to the bumper of a truck, or flown in a yard, that average person thinks “That guy’s a jackass.” It’s true.

And if you are among the many who disagree, you’re not all that well-versed in what it means. It’s like wearing a Che T-shirt: people do it because it’s trendy and apparently says something or other. It never seems to register with the wearer, who can’t be bothered to do real research, at how offensive it can be and, at best make most people uncomfortable.

Historically—and the Czar was there, let him tell you—the Stars and Bars is a symbol of stupid, futile failure.

Want to assert states’ rights? Fly a Gadsden flag. You get the Don’t Tread On Me libertarianism of states and the practical functionality of Join or Die federalism without the awful historical baggage. You may disagree, of course, but you’re admitting you believe the Secession was legal and a good idea. It wasn’t and it wasn’t. The South went about things in exactly the wrong way. Denial doesn’t strengthen your argument here.

Want to honor the South and Dixie and its war dead? You can fly the American flag. Unless you’re flying the Union Jack of 1862, the current American flag represents the good people of the North and the South. You may disagree, but if you do, you might as well admit you don’t know a lot about the Civil War, because the Stars and Bars—yes, the Confederate Flag—wasn’t the flag of the Confederacy. The Flag of the Confederacy had a blue canton of 13 white stars in a circle, with two red horizontal stripes surrounding a single white stripe in the middle. Most so-called opponents of the fatuously named War of Northern Aggression won’t know or admit this fact, but the actual Confederate flag looks a lot like the flag of that Northern Aggressor state of Ohio. The Confederate Battle Flag, on the other hand, isn’t a good tool for honoring the good men of the South, since good men of the South didn’t support the war but fought only because they were forced to.

Want to make a statement that you oppose liberalism, and its gun controls and regulations and abortions, and so on? Okay, but maybe choose a symbol that wasn’t used by a terrible economic system based on slave labor. Yes, the Stars and Bars is a great middle finger to the liberal, but it’s also a middle finger to everybody else. Hence, you’re a jackass. Again, your Gadsden flag is a perfect solution.

Any other general use of the flag, we have to assume, is either anti-American or pro-White. Sorry. Unless you’re a historical re-enactor in costume, or have a collection of American flags of all kinds, you have no non-jackass reason to display it.

So what’s the Czar think? The Czar automatically opposes banning symbols: the Confederate Flag is a perfectly useful form of living history, with lots to discuss. It has a place in history, terrible though that place is. Banning it because it’s scary is no different that banning an AR-15 rifle because it’s scary or banning a movie because its political content is scary. The Czar actually doesn’t care if it’s offensive to 30 million American blacks, or even just one. Some symbols will offend no matter what, and it’s a fool’s errand to try to take them all down. Banning that flag is a waste of time and intelligence.

But, having said that, the Czar is not easily swayed by arguments from the other side. Generally, it takes about a minute of honest conversation before the pro-Confederate flag guy either admits he doesn’t really understand his history beyond bumper stickers, or he’s an offensive putz who might as well wear a Che T-shirt. It’s not that it’s offensive to the Czar personally or even to a group of people: it’s just freaking ignorant. The only other people who will support you are people equally ignorant and maybe not all that nice.*

The Czar has spoken about this elsewhere, and sure enough there come the emails with objections to the historical facts. Again, most of the arguments reduce down to one of the above, but ultimately the last word is some variant of “I’ve always flown it, and taking it down now would make me look like a fool.”

Perhaps; but not as much as leaving the flag on display makes you look like an ass. Take it down—and if anyone asks, tell them “You know, it just doesn’t mean what it could have. There’s too much ugliness on both sides about it, and I could simply fly something that expresses my views better.”

*The Czar is also on record for opposing the Earth Day flag for the exact same reasons: the flag was designed by and for the Left to celebrate the destruction of modern civilization in lieu of a progressive utopian paradise. It’s true! The Earth symbol in the canton is actually the Greek letter theta—Θάνατος, or “death.” That’s why Earth Day is on Lenin’s birthday, and why the hippie teenager who designed it was prevented from flying it at her school: she made no bones about its meaning.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.