Democrats are delusional. After suffering an historic drubbing in the midterms, leading Democrats have completely broken with reality.

Witness the New York Times editorial board psychosis. With near historic Republican majorities in the House and the Senate, the editors urge President Obama to usurp the legislative authority and act on his own. In unusually candid verbiage bordering on the deranged, the editors advise thus: “Do it. Take executive action. Make it big.”

And here ‘Puter thought he’d taken one too many pucks to the head.* Not content with opening their mouths and being thought fools, NYT’s editors set out to dispel any doubt whatsoever. The editors made the following claims about Obama’s possible executive action: (1) it honors the law; (2) it helps the country; and (3) it cuts to the heart of the debate. Let’s take a look at each contention.

It honors the law.

The editors claim refusing to enforce duly enacted laws actually honors the law. This is akin to arguing selling your mother to a Guatemalan sex trafficking ring honors the Fourth Commandment ** Or, in words our Vietnam era hippie, bleeding heart, near-Communist friends can understand, “we had to destroy the village in order to save it.”

What a load of manure. Enforce the laws as written or don’t. But don’t pretend that Obama’s lawless, destructive behavior is virtuous. It’s not. An executive order of the breadth the editors argue for would be a clear violation of Obama’s oath of office. Not that anyone on the Left would care.

It helps the country.

“Having such a large immigrant population living here outside the law also undermines the law.” Nice argument, geniuses. Permit ‘Puter to rephrase it for you. “A teenager who viciously murders his parents is an orphan, so the judicial system should let him go.”

You read that right. The vaunted minds on the NYT’s editorial board actually believe that people who commit criminal acts (illegally entering the United States) should be allowed to keep their ill-gotten gains (presence in the United States).

Thank God these idiots don’t set the agenda for a leading political party or anything. That’d be downright dangerous, as divorced from reality as the editors are.

It cuts to the heart of the debate.

“If Mr. Obama acts, he will be declaring that [illegal immigrants] ha[ve] a stake in our country’s future.” ‘Puter for one is glad liberals think non-Americans should have a say in how America governs itself and enforces its laws. Heck, let’s just outsource our entire government to the murderous kleptocrats at United Nations and be done with it.

The editors also note evil conservatives “take their cues from anti-immigration pressure groups that embody the country’s old strains of nativism.” Memo to the editors: it’s not nativist to insist that one co-equal branch of our government charged with enforcing duly enacted laws actually enforce those laws. It’s constitutional government, not nativism. If liberals think our immigration laws are vicious and racist, fine. Convince enough Americans your position is correct and change the laws. Until then, Obama can do his damned job and shut up.

Last, the editors lecture us “[m]illions of Americans-in-waiting need an answer. It should be a welcoming one.” If you are present in the United States illegally, you are not an “American-in-waiting.” You are a deportee-in-waiting, and the editors can kiss ‘Puter’s ample, hairy butt for suggesting otherwise. You know who the true “Americans-in-waiting” are? They’re the five H-1B workers at ‘Puter’s company, dutifully jumping through the byzantine hoops our crazy-assed immigration laws set up, paying taxes, not voting and waiting sometimes in excess of 12 years for the chance to get a green card. Those are “Americans-in-waiting,” you addlepated, liberal asshats. The people who undertook to break our laws and squat in our country, biding their time until social justice warrior liberals would recognize their self-inflicted plight (and pronounced tendency to illegally vote Democrat) and badger America into admitting them as citizens.

Here’s ‘Puter’s immigration plan, as he’s put forth on numerous occasions.

• Secure the border immediately, sparing no expense. It’ll create jobs both in construction and enforcement. Until the border is secured, no further action will be taken.
• Step up enforcement against employers using illegal laborers, shutting violators down and jailing them. Do not deport the illegals unless they’re criminals. For those released, give them identification cards clearly identifying them as illegally present.
• Do not actively seek to deport illegals currently here. However, immediately deport any illegal immigrant involved in any criminal activity greater than a speeding violation.
• Limit due process rights for deportation hearings. Spend more on administrative law judges. Have hearings within 24 hours of detention. Clarify there is no right to counsel at a deportation hearing. Immediately deport illegal immigrants.
• Any person deported for illegal presence in the United States will not be eligible for a visa of any kind for the remainder of their lives. They can’t visit family. They can’t work here. That’s it.
• Make it a class A felony punishable by 25 years to life for a second illegal presence in the United States.
• Allow illegal children to attend school, provided their families register as illegal immigrants. No in state tuition for college.
• There will be no right to work (no social security numbers) for illegal immigrants.
• There will be no right to federal benefits for illegal immigrants, and no portion of federal monies used to fund state programs will be permitted to be used on illegal immigrants.
• Illegal immigrant children will be eligible for Medicaid, school lunches and limited food assistance through age 18. After that, they’re on their own.
• Illegal immigrants who self-deport after registration with the United States will be eligible for future entry visas provided they comply with immigration laws and quotas then in effect.
• Streamline the H-1B visa program, especially as relates to STEM areas and medicine. Take the best the world has to offer.
• Eliminate the visa lottery. It’s a garbage holdover invented by Teddy Kennedy to benefit the Irish. Really.
• Require all visa holders to carry visa documents at all times and produce them to law enforcement officers on demand, no probable cause required. Remember, visa holders are not Americans, nor are permanent residents.
• Require visa holders to check in quarterly at a local law enforcement office for verification of identity and presence. If you miss a scheduled appointment without excuse, you will be subject to immediate deportation.

That’s a start, although more needs to be done. ‘Puter and many of his fellow conservatives have no problem with immigration. We simply want immigration to be done in a sane, manageable fashion. America needs to know who is in our country and for what purpose. If America requires 5,000,000 Mexicans to pick our crops, so be it, but those 5,000,000 Mexicans are going to be documented and leave after the harvest.

The NYT editors are correct that immigration is a problem government must address. However, the liberal solution is to capitulate, allowing foreigners to self-determine their immigration status. The editors’ proposed solution isn’t a solution, it’s chaos unleashed.

The NYT editor’s bleeding heart, unrealistic and unconstitutional immigration stance stinks of desperation. Voters looked at 6 years of liberal rule and the disaster it’s become, and were disgusted. Democrats, instead of examining their core beliefs and adjusting, are convinced it’s all the stupid voters’ fault.

Nice plan, guys. Go with it, at least until the 2016 election season’s over.

*Hence, Czar always telling ‘Puter he’s pucked in the head. Wait, what? He didn’t say “pucked?” Then what exactly did Czar say?

** Fifth Commandment, if you’re a heathen Protestant. Kidding. We Catholics love heathens. The Protestants, not so much.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.